Wil Wheaton: This is for you.
Sheldon: An original mint-in-package Wesley Crusher action figure.
Wil Wheaton: I remembered your story about the time you went to a convention when you were a kid to get one signed, and I didn't show up.
Wil Wheaton: Look at what I wrote.
Sheldon: To Sheldon, sorry this took so long. Your friend, Wil Wheaton.
Wil Wheaton: It's my last one. I want you to have it.
Sheldon: Look, everyone. Wil Wheaton is my friend!

Sheldon: The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.

Raj: I don't know if I wanna play any more.
Sheldon: Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good lord, if that becomes a reason to not play dungeons and dragons, this game is in serious trouble.

Sheldon: See, as you know, a few years ago I achieve one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public. Well, from time to time, I notarize banking documents for Raj. The Koothrappalis aren't just rich. They're Richie Rich rich.
Penny: Well, so how much is that?
Sheldon: About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.

Leonard: We enter the dungeon.
Sheldon: You see a dragon.
Howard: Really? So we're playing Dungeons and Dragons, and we walk into a dungeon and see a dragon? Isn't that a little on the nose?
Sheldon: When you play Chutes and Ladders, do you complain about all the chutes and all the ladders?

Sheldon: Let's see what I'll be washing that succotash down with. A pitcher of margaritas.
Leonard: Do you really want that?
Sheldon: That's the great thing. It doesn't matter. My mind is freed up to think about more important things.
Raj: What's it thinking about now?
Sheldon: Hamburgers and lemonade.

Sheldon: And now for dessert, come on, hot fudge sundae, come on, hot fudge sundae. Bam! That's what I'm talking about!

Sheldon: Yeah, I actually have information about Raj that would be helpful with this discussion.
Leonard: Could you tell us?
Sheldon: Let's see. (Rolls dice) Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
Penny: Wait, hang on. Doubles. Roll again.
Sheldon: Okay, get this. It doesn't matter if he's showering her with gifts, because the Koothrappalis are vastly wealthy.
Penny: What do you mean, vastly wealthy?
Sheldon: Well, wealthy means a lot of money, and vastly means even more. I'm not sure what's tripping you up.

Leonard: It turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time. Although, truth be told, my groin is a little worse for wear.
*Sheldon karate chops Leonard*
Leonard: Why did you do that?
Sheldon: To send a message: She is not for you!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Not for you!

Sheldon: All these years I've been so wrong. The tinier the trains, the more concentrated the fun.

Amy: I need someone to accompany me to the wedding of Dr. Moranelli and Dr. Gustafson this Friday. They're kind of the Brad and Angelina of the primatology department.
Leonard: Wouldn't you rather bring Sheldon?
Amy: I would, but the last wedding we went to was a disaster. He behaved like a child the entire time.
Sheldon: Not my fault. You said there'd be other scientists there my age.

Sheldon: Wait. Uh, which is closer to the new train store in Monrovia, the movie theater or the Cheesecake Factory?
Howard: Neither of them are close.
Sheldon: Oh, well, then I guess it doesn't matter which one of you drives me.

Sheldon: Let's play a fun guessing game to see who gets to take me. All right, this four-letter word describes either a printer's type size or a compulsion to eat dirt.
Penny: Okay, Im not driving him.
Sheldon: No, Penny, dont give up, you can get this.

Bernadette: What are you going to get at the train store, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm not buying anything. They're having a lecture. H-O gauge railroading. Half the size of O-gauge, but twice the fun. Very controversial topic.
Howard: Which side do you come down on?
Sheldon: I'll let you know after tonight. Unlike some people, I'm going in with an open mind. Who am I kidding? Of course we all know it's O-gauge or no gauge.

Bernadette: Raj, take me home.
Howard: Don't listen to her. Go to the movie theater.
Bernadette: Take me home now.
Howard: Movie theater.
Raj: Mmmmmm.
Sheldon: Okay, everybody calm down. There is a simple solution here. Raj, take me to the train store, and then I don't care what you people do.