Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 177 of 262
Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation
Sheldon: That's a lot of belt buckles.
Howard: Funny thing is, I have only one belt. Anyway, I'll get you started. Oh, by the way, the little marks that look like water spots, I tend to stand too close to the urinal, so what you're seeing there is splash back.
Sheldon: You make sissy on your belt buckles? Mee-Maw's forks never had that.
Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, I have something for you. Per our roommate agreement, this is your 24-hour notice that I will be having a non-related female spending two nights in our apartment.
Leonard: When you say non-related female, you still mean human, right?
Sheldon: Of course. Pets are banned under the roommate agreement, with the exception of service animals, such as seeing eye dogs and, one day, cybernetically enhanced helper monkeys.
Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation
Leonard: Why is a world-renowned scientist staying in our apartment instead of a hotel?
Sheldon: Well, she doesn't care for hotels. And who can blame here? Windows that don't open, multi-user linens, keys shaped like credit cards, as if one walks around with unassigned slots in one's wallet.
Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation
Sheldon: A word of warning. My guest is a noted physicist and the leading expert on quantum cosmology, so please try to avoid wasting her time with female jibber jabber.
Penny: Female jibber jabber?
Sheldon: Shoe sales, hair styles, mud masks, gossip about your friends Brad and Angelina.
Penny: Oh, they're not my friends.
Sheldon: I'm not surprised, considering the way you talk about them behind their backs.
Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation
Sheldon: In here you'll find emergency provisions. An eight-day supply of food and water, a crossbow, season two of Star Trek: The Original Series on a high-density flash drive.
Elizabeth: What if there's a disaster that destroys all the USB ports?
Sheldon: Then there's really no reason to live, is there?
Quote from the episode The Date Night Variable
Amy: Have I ever told you you're like a sexy praying mantis?
Sheldon: Every time you drink alcohol.
Quote from the episode The Date Night Variable
Raj: Waiter? A bottle of champagne and three glasses. Oh boy, isn't this romantic?
Sheldon: Oh, I hope that's a rhetorical question, because I have no clue.
Quote from the episode The Monster Isolation
Howard: He's just decided he's never leaving his apartment again.
Sheldon: Oh, brilliant. I've been itching to pull that trigger.
Quote from the episode The Monster Isolation
Howard: He's upset because he can't get anywhere with women.
Sheldon: Would it help if I gave him some pointers?
I'm just funnin' ya.
Quote from the episode The Monster Isolation
Sheldon: What's wrong?
Penny: I just think it might look more natural if you talked to me instead of the camera. You know, like a real conversation. It's something we work on in my acting class.
Sheldon: Interesting. A few people in the comments section have said that my delivery is robotic. Perhaps that's not the compliment it sounds like.
Quote from the episode The Monster Isolation
Penny: Let's try it again, and maybe this time, you could work on your body language a bit. You know, when you're all hunched like that, you're shutting the audience out, but when you're relaxed and open, you're inviting them in.
Sheldon: Right. And which one do I want?
Quote from the episode The Cushion Saturation
Leonard: Why don't you just eat in your desk chair?
Sheldon: Why don't I just eat in my desk chair?
Penny: Here we go.
Sheldon: That is my desk chair, that's where I work. I don't eat in my desk chair and I don't work in my spot. I work in my desk chair and eat in my spot.
Quote from the episode The Cushion Saturation
Raj: Did you guys see the new budget memo that went out this morning?
Leonard: Yeah, more cutbacks.
Sheldon: Unacceptable. It baffles me why they don't simply let some of you go so that there's money available for my research.
Quote from the episode The Cushion Saturation
Leonard: You know what baffles me, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Based on your academic record, any number of things, I would imagine.
Quote from the episode The Cushion Saturation
Sheldon: That is my spot. In an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot at the moment I first sat on it would be zero-zero-zero-zero.
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