Sheldon: Greetings, friends.
Leonard: (To Robot Sheldon) Greetings, whatever-the-hell you are.

Sheldon: [through virtual presence device] Sing me Soft Kitty.
Penny: Really, you want me to sing Soft Kitty to a computer monitor?
Sheldon: Would you rather come over and sing it to me in person?
Penny: [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.
Sheldon: Closer to the microphone.
Penny: Happy kitty, sleepy…
Sheldon: No. You have to start over.
Penny: [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.

Sheldon: [through virtual presence device] This is a photograph of the 1911 Solvay Conference on the theory of radiation and quanta. Using Photoshop, I've introduced a few anachronisms. See if you can spot all 24. I'll give you the first one. Madame Curie should not be wearing a digital watch. And go.
Leonard: That’s it. Bye-bye. [turns off screen]
Sheldon: [screen turns on] Bazinga.
Leonard: Whoa! [car swerves]
Sheldon: I have an override switch.
Leonard: I almost died!
Sheldon: And I'm safe and sound in bed. Who's crazy now?
Leonard: I'm still going to go with you.

Sheldon: Is your womb available for rental?

Sheldon: Well that's no threat, my mother's always wanted a grandchild.
Penny: Really? Your deeply religious born-again Christian mother wants a test-tube grandbaby born out of wedlock?
Sheldon: Curses.

Sheldon: I just don't want to be yet another flip-flop fatality.

Sheldon: I have a Masters degree and two Doctorates. The things I should know, I do know.

Sheldon: So, this conversation is as pointless as your door knocking soliloquy?
Penny: Let me get my cockamamie keys.

Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.

Sheldon: I decided to take your advice and have arranged to go on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler.
Penny: Oh, that's great. Have fun.
Sheldon: Wait, you have to drive me.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: You know I don't drive.
Penny: Well, go ask Leonard.
Sheldon: I did; he said, and I quote: "Ask Penny, it was her cockamamie idea."
Penny: Leonard said "cockamamie"?
Sheldon: Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, I'm uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamie".

Penny: Well, my question is, and I'm pretty sure I know the answer, is this your first date?
Sheldon: That depends. Does square-dancing with my sister at a Teens for Jesus 4th of July Hoe-down count as a date?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Then, this is my first date.

Penny: Sheldon, have you ever told Amy what it was like for you growing up in Texas?
Sheldon: No.
Penny: Well, why don't you tell her?
Sheldon: All right. It was hell.

Sheldon: Impressive, but we must be cautious.
Howard: Why?
Sheldon: Today, it's a Chinese-food-retrieval robot. Tomorrow, it travels back in time and kills Sarah Connor.

Penny: That's amazing.
Sheldon: I wouldn't say amazing. At best it's a modest leap forward from the basic technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.
Howard: Hey, Sheldon? Ahem.
Sheldon: Yes?
*Howard commands the robot arm to perform a hand gesture*
Sheldon: Peace?
Howard: No, not peace. Hang on.

Penny: Can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Given your community-college education, I encourage you to ask me as many as possible.