Sheldon: Would you like me to bring you some warm milk?
Leonard: I'm lactose intolerant.
Sheldon: And you don't wish to alarm me with any more loud noises. Very thoughtful.

Sheldon: When I was doing string theory and hit a dead end, why didn't you try to help me?
Amy: I did. You said the only math biologists know is if you have three frogs and one jumps away, that leaves two frogs.
Sheldon: That's pretty funny. That does sound like me.

Sheldon: You know Barry and I have a professional rivalry. You heard him, he told me to suck eggs. If we were friends, he would have suggested I suck something more pleasant.

Why are you laughing? Did you learn something?

Sheldon: Let it go? I have heard that my whole life. Every time something upsets me, someone says let it go. Like it's my fault and it's not okay to feel the way I feel.

Sheldon: I didn't care for her yelling, but now that I'm not going to hear it again, I'm sad.
Leonard: If you want, I can yell at you later.
Sheldon: It won't be as good.

Sheldon: What can I do for you ladies?
Amy: You have something we want.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. My mother warned me this is what happens to pretty boys in the big city.
Penny: No, we just want information.
Sheldon: Oh. I've got that spades. Ravage me.

Sheldon: Oh, I know, the person I'd most like to have dinner with is myself.
Penny: You sure that's your choice, because I've had that dinner.
Sheldon: Well, I haven't. And although they say never meet your heroes, I just don't see how I could disappoint.

Sheldon: You may not be as academically inclined as are we. Yes, that's how you say it. But you possess an intelligence I envy, which leads me to my answer. I would choose the ability to read people's minds.

Sheldon: Sheldor, back online.
Penny: What's AFK?
Sheldon: AFK. Away from keyboard.
Penny: Oh, I see.
Sheldon: What does that stand for?
Penny: "Oh, I see"?
Sheldon: Yes, but what does it stand for?

Amy: Acquiring a joint pet is a big step for us.
Sheldon: It's true. It means we care so much about each other, there's enough left over for an eight-ounce reptile.

Leonard: Why a turtle?
Sheldon: After much deliberation, we've determined that a turtle is the ideal pet. They don't shed fur. They don't make noise.
Amy: For Halloween, we can dress him as a cobble stone.
Sheldon: And, if he ever goes beserk, I know I can out run him. Coincidentally that's also why I chose you as a roommate.

Sheldon: How about this one?
Amy: He's barely moving. He looks half dead.
Sheldon: I know. I like him too.

Sheldon: What should we name him? I came in thinking Seth, but he kinda looks Italian.

Sheldon: So you're saying you wouldn't leave me for the chance to be one of the first humans to colonize another planet?
Amy: I would at least mention it before filling out the application.
Sheldon: Hmm. That's exactly what Leonard, Wolowitz, Koothrappali, Bernadette and Penny said.

Amy: And who says you could even survive an inter-planetary mission anyway? You could barely survive a tiny turtle bite.
Sheldon: First of all, this has only made me stronger.