Sheldon: Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do. (To Amy) Don't just stand there. Take your breasts out.

Sheldon: Right now I'm having a rough time because there's three people in my room and it's starting to feel like a discotheque.

Sheldon: This is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Like some dirty magic show.

James Earl Jones: What were you trying to ask me at the strip club?
Sheldon: How much does it cost to get them off my lap?

Howard: Listen, I was thinking you and I could probably try to be better friends.
Sheldon: Really? I was thinking what we have now is a bit much.

Sheldon: I have one question. Is this a prank? Where you land in Houston and you've made up wanted posters which have my face with a moustache and a Spanish name, and I get arrested and deported to South America?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Well I'm glad, because I would not have seen that coming.

Sheldon: I'm sorry for every mean thing I ever did or said to you.
Howard: I'm sorry too. It's all my fault.
Sheldon: If you weren't my friend there'd be a hole in my life.
Howard: Thank you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Kind of like when Firefly was cancelled, but not as big.

Sheldon: I beg to differ. I used to live in those genitals. If someone wants to move into my old room, I should at least get a vote.

Sheldon: You may have a point. I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.

Sheldon: (on Stephen Hawking's voice mail) I kiss girls now.

Leonard: It's nice that you called them esteemed.
Sheldon: You're right, I'll take that out.

Sheldon: I feel renewed. I'm ready to deal with any changes that come my way. [sees Penny] Your hair is different. You changed your hair. I can't take this. I'm out.

Leonard: You wrote a paper on my idea?
Sheldon: I wrote a paper on our idea.
Leonard: When did my idea become our idea?
Sheldon: When I mixed it with Sheldony goodness and cooked it in the Easy Bake oven of my mind.

Sheldon: And look over here, "shrimp in mobster sauce". What is mobster sauce?
Leonard: It's obviously a typo.
Sheldon: Perhaps. Perhaps this restaurant's now a front for organized crime. For all we know, the mobster sauce contains actual chunks of deceased mobsters.
Raj: No, no, no, no. I think it just means it's the kind of sauce that mobsters like.
Howard: It doesn't mean any of that. It's a typo!

Sheldon: You know, the more I think about it, the mobster sauce couldn't possible contain chunks of mobster.
Leonard: And why is that?
Sheldon: It was listed under sea food.