Sheldon: Good Lord how you frustrate me Leonard Hofstadter!

Sheldon: Really, Amy? Tobacco and alcohol? Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made by people having a good time?

Sheldon: The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb.

Sheldon: They also took my battle ostrich.
Leonard: No, not Glen.
Sheldon: Yes, the only bird that I ever loved.

Sheldon: And what a civilisation is the Greeks. They gave us science, democracy and little cubes of charred meat that taste like sweat.

Sheldon: You may have gone to Cambridge but I'm an honorary graduate of Starfleet Academy.

Sheldon: Ah, memory impairment; the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle.

Sheldon: Leonard, be serious. We're playing a game here.

Sheldon: What an elf I would've made.

Sheldon: Interesting! So it went beyond the mere fact of coitus to a blow by blow account, as it were.
Amy: Pun intended?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, what pun?

Amy: We need to fabricate a tantalising piece of gossip.
Sheldon: And a second non-tantalising piece to use as a control.
Amy: Then we'll track its progress through our social group and interpret the results through the competing academic prisms of mimetic theory, algebraic gossip and epidemiology.
Sheldon: Look at you, getting me to engage in the Social Sciences. You're a vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler.

Sheldon: Leonard, the people at Nintendo can only go so far in helping us recreate an actual athletic experience. We have to do our part too.

Sheldon: If you don't mind, I'd like to stop listening to you and start talking.

Sheldon: I must say, Amy, pretending to have intercourse with you has given me a great deal of satisfaction.

Todd Zarnecki: Who is it?
Sheldon: Your doom.