Sheldon: For example, this morning I was calculating the random motion of virtual particles in a vacuum, when suddenly the particles morphed into an image of Amy's dandruff gently cascading down onto her pale, slightly hunched shoulders. Oh, what has that vixen done to me, Leonard? And how do I make it stop?

Sheldon: Who is going to drive me to work?
Leonard: You're a big boy you'll figure something out.
Sheldon: Don't talk to me like I'm a child. Now take me to return my Star Wars sheets.

Sheldon: It suggests I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas.

Sheldon: So we're just randomly choosing a restaurant without researching it online?
Penny: Yep.
Sheldon: Great. This is how Anything Can Happen Thursdays turns in to It Won't Stop Coming Out Friday.

Amy: Sheldon, I'm really impressed you're willing to try this.
Sheldon: Admittedly, this brushes up against my well-known aversions to heat, small places, going below floor level, dampness, hatches, ladders, darkness, echoes, and eliminating in Home Depot buckets. That last one is quite new, but I have a feeling that's going to rocket to the top of the list.

Amy: Sheldon, I want you to take that cap off.
Sheldon: That nagging tone is helping my anxiety. But if you could maybe go 10% less shrill, that would really put the zip-a-dee in my doo-dah.

Sheldon: Hey, what are you trying to pull? The President of Science isn't in here.
Leonard: You lie down, he'll be here in a minute.
Sheldon: Okay. I thought you were trying to trick me.

Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, Penny, if this experiment does make us fall in love, would you drive me to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, for Gary-Con. It's the only convention celebrating the life and work of Gary Gygax, the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons.
Penny: You know what, I can honestly say if we fall in love, not only will I drive you there, I will buy you all the dragon t-shirts you want.
Sheldon: Okay, babe, let's do this.

Penny: If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?
Sheldon: So it would be today? Huh. Well, I suppose there's something satisfying about dying on my birthday.
Penny: Today's your birthday?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Well that's always been a secret. Not even Amy knows.
Sheldon: Well, I don't enjoy presents. And the thought of people jumping out and yelling surprise fills me with more dread than the words "George Lucas Director's Cut.

Sheldon: Oh dear lord. Oh dear lord.
Amy: It's okay. We made it. We're fine.
Sheldon: That was a lot of puppies.

Sheldon: I can't believe you almost had me bring a wild animal into my home.
Amy: No one told you to poke the turtle's face.
Sheldon: I was playing "Got your nose". That's how you get children to like you.

Sheldon: This again. Amy, I've already had one new hole torn in my body today, I don't need another one.

Sheldon: I was going to make you a red zinger, but since Mars is the red planet I went for peppermint.

Sheldon: During the seven month space flight, I can keep up morale with my wacky sense of humor. Hey, Leonard, is there any peanut brittle left in that can?
Leonard: You mean this weirdly suspicious one?
Sheldon: Yes. Open it and check.
Leonard: I don't get it. There's actually peanut brittle in-
*Sheldon throws a pie at Leonard*

Amy: I guess we'll have to make a new video together as a couple.
Sheldon: Good idea. And as you've had such a rough day, I'm gonna let you throw the pie in Leonard's face.