Leonard: New salon topic: What's more important-- an idea or its execution?
Bernadette: Oh, that's fun.
Sheldon: Good for you, Leonard. That's a lovely little notion. Kind of like "I wish I could talk to my uncle in Chicago." Yeah, and I'll stand back while I invent the telephone. *holds invisible telephone to ear* Hello? Oh, hold on. Leonard, it's your uncle. He says you just got burned.

Sheldon: I don't see what's crazy about bringing a backpack with your own toilet paper and Purell.
Leonard: Keep going.
Sheldon: And rubber gloves, and air freshener. Noise cancelling headphones. Oh, danger whistle. Umm, pepper spray. Ooh, a multi-language occupied sign. Let's see, we have seat protectors, booties for my shoes, a clothes pin for my nose. Oh, and, a mirror on a stick so I can make sure the person in the stall next to me isn't some kid of weirdo.

Sheldon: There it is. It's just a gate. On a road.
Leonard: It wasn't even that hard to find.

Sheldon: This is so amazing!
Leonard: I know!

Sheldon: I think what really needs to be rescued is your sense of whimsy. But one quest at a time.

Sheldon: One question about that picture. Can it be with George Lucas? Ooh, grumpy you are.

Sheldon: A select group of scientists were invited to a weekend symposium at a former home of Richard Feynman, and I wasn't included.
Leonard: Aww. Sheldon, I'm sure it's not because they don't think you're an elite scientist.
Howard: Yeah, I'd bet you anything. It's just because you're a pain in the ass.
Sheldon: You're just saying that to make me feel better.

Amy: Can you please pass the salt?
Sheldon: Sure. It's not like I was invited to Richard Feynman's house and having anything better to do.
Amy: Is this how the rest of the night's going to be?
Sheldon: I don't know the future.

Amy: Well, it applies to you, too.
Sheldon: I was afraid you might bring this up, so I have a work-around. *puts a picture of his face in front of his real face* There you go. As far as you're concerned, I'm smiling. Although, I must admit, I'm smiling a little bit at the moment because this loophole is so brilliant.

Sheldon: Okay, so the final four forts in the first annual best fort ever contest, or "fort off," are Fort Knox, Fort Ticonderoga, Fort Sumter and... Fort Cozy McBlanket.

Amy: Oh, ten o'clock. Date night's over.
Sheldon: What? No. We haven't picked a winner.
Amy: We both know this one's gonna win.
Sheldon: Well, of course we do. Fort Knox doesn't have a secret physics lending library.

Sheldon: Well, now I have to correct you. As a bit of an elephant seal buff, the more accurate comparison would be when two mother seals actively seek to nourish the same pup. So I believe the term you're looking for is a double mother suckler
Leonard: Yeah, you're right. That is the term I'm looking for. You are a dirty double mother suckler!
Sheldon: Okay, well, now that we have the terminology straightened out, how dare you?

Sheldon: I shouldn't have asked so many questions.
Penny: No, it's okay.
Leonard: Yeah, maybe it's good you got us talking about this stuff.
Sheldon: Well, look at that. Even when I'm causing problems, I make the world a better place.

Sheldon: I appreciate your interest in the apartment. I just need to ask you a few standard questions.
Applicant: Sure.
Sheldon: It says here you're a chemist. Which element on the periodic table do you feel is too big for its britches?
Applicant: Is that supposed to be a joke?
Sheldon: Looks like argon's not the only one with an attitude problem.

Sheldon: And I'm sorry I lied about being a wedding planner who can't find love. Although I am currently single, if you know anybody.

Sheldon: Hello, yes, I was hoping you could help me. What song is this? (Hums a tune(
You don't know? Well, how dare you call yourselves a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. My goodness. Do you sing along to the greatest hits of Elvis Presley with that mouth?