Sheldon: Which do you think she'll prefer? Because I checked the Sheep and Wool website and there's only 8,000 tickets left.

Penny: You could talk to her, and maybe if it comes up, you could ask if she's heard about the drug.
Leonard: What if I get caught?
Raj: Fear of failure!
Howard: Lack of confidence!
Sheldon: Kind of a wuss!

Leonard: Fine, I'll do it. But not because of them, because I love you.
Penny: Thank you.
Raj: Pushover.
Howard: Spineless.
Sheldon: Still hasn't bought milk even though I told him two days ago!

Sheldon: Raj, you were being a good friend, and my illness was no excuse for my behavior. I hope that you can accept my apology.
Raj: Of course I do.
Sheldon: And, Emily, I'm sorry for saying dermatologists aren't real doctors. And I'm sure you're tired of hearing that.
Emily: Do you honestly think I hear that a lot?
Sheldon: Well, I would imagine when your job is popping zits and squirting Botox into old lady faces-
Raj: Okay! Okay, the point is that we accept your apology.
Emily: Uh, maybe you do. He just insulted me again.
Raj: Yeah, but he doesn't mean it.
Emily: Why are you defending him?
Sheldon: I believe I can answer that. Uh, like me, Raj is demonstrating empathy.
Now, why don't you accept my apology, receive your free T-shirt, uh-- I hope extra small is okay. For some reason Wolowitz took a medium.

Amy: That's great. And look at you, sitting in Sheldon's spot. You know, I don't even get to sit there.
Sheldon: Yeah. And you never will.

Howard: You've been talking about breaking up with Emily forever. Why don't you just do it already?
Leonard: Yeah, just get it over with.
Raj: Well, you say it like it's easy. Have any one of you ever broken up with anyone?
Howard: No.
Leonard: Not really.
Sheldon: You know, uh, once I ordered an Uber by accident. I just got in and went somewhere.

Leonard: What's going on?
Howard: I'm, uh uh, gonna be a father.
Leonard: What? Congratulations.
Raj: That's so amazing.
Sheldon: Oh, no.
Leonard: Why "oh, no"?
Sheldon: Because this changes everything. What about comic book night? Uh, what about playing games together? What about our trips to Disneyland? How can we do those things with a child around?
Leonard: Relax, there's room for two babies in this group.
Sheldon: Oh, dear L- Penny's pregnant, too?
Leonard: You're the other baby.
Sheldon: Oh, really? Okay, well, would a baby have to shave once every 11 days?
Leonard: Would an adult refuse to eat his graham crackers because one of them was broken?
Sheldon: I guess we'll call this a draw.

Amy: How are you doing?
Sheldon: Oh, wonderful. I'm being musically encouraged to bust a move. If I knew what that meant, I might just do it.

Sheldon: You look amazing. I mean, this resolution is remarkable.
Amy: (On Skype) I really had to go home for this?
Sheldon: Yes, but it's like you're right here in the room.
Amy: And yet, I'm not.
Sheldon: But I feel like I could reach out and touch you.
Amy: And yet, you can't.
Sheldon: I know.

Sheldon: I have a question about Batman. Batman is a man who dresses up like a bat. Man-bat is a part man, part bat hybrid. Now, if Man-Bat dressed up as a man to fight crime, would he be Man-Batman?
Leonard: No, he'd be Bat-Man-Bat.
Raj: But wouldn't Man-Batman just be a Batman that was bitten by a radioactive man?
Howard: But Batman is a man. You're talking about a man who would have the powers of a man. That's just Man-Man.
Sheldon: Well, isn't Man-Man just Man?
Leonard: But what if Man-Man dressed as a bat?
Raj: Well, that's just Batman.
Leonard: No, if a man dresses as a bat, that's Batman, but if Man-Man dresses as a bat, that's Batman-Man.
Howard: So does that answer your question?
Sheldon: Oh, I haven't asked it yet.

Howard: Hey, Raj, wanna see a new magic trick I've been working on?
Sheldon: Howard, if I may interject here with a piece of friendly advice. Is working on magic tricks really how you want to spend your time? Granted, you're just an engineer, but that doesn't mean you might not someday build a geegaw or a thingamabob that may get you a thank you in someone else's Nobel prize acceptance speech.

Sheldon: My mother was at bible study. I walked in the house expecting to find it empty, and I heard a sound coming from my parents' bedroom. When I opened the door, I saw my father having relations with another woman.
Penny: Oh, that's awful!
Sheldon: I know. It's also why I never open a door without knocking three times. I mean, the first one's traditional, but two and three are for people to get their pants on.

Sheldon: This is for you. I was going to wrap it, but touching Scotch tape gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Amy: I'll put in on the list with peaches and felt.

Sheldon: We seem to be moving on to the annual coitus portion of your birthday festivities.
Amy: Is that okay?
Sheldon: I didn't put on my come-hither plaid PJs for nothing.

Sheldon: You know, I just learned Amy went to a theme park without me, but I'm not going to ruin her birthday. I'll wait, and ruin 24 individual hours sprinkled throughout the year.