Quotes from ‘The Hot Tub Contamination’
The Hot Tub Contamination When Sheldon and Amy start bickering over their living situation, Leonard and Penny step in to keep the pair separate and to give them advice on living with a significant other. Meanwhile, after Howard and Bernadette blow off a planned vacation, they observe a pair of unexpected guests in their hot tub. |
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: My mother was at bible study. I walked in the house expecting to find it empty, and I heard a sound coming from my parents' bedroom. When I opened the door, I saw my father having relations with another woman.
Penny: Oh, that's awful!
Sheldon: I know. It's also why I never open a door without knocking three times. I mean, the first one's traditional, but two and three are for people to get their pants on.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Being with Amy has awoken the sexual creature within. When I see a pretty gal walking down the street, I think, "hubba hubba" like any other guy.
Penny: You kiss your mother with that mouth? 'Cause it's fine.
Quote from Howard
Bernadette: Uh, I left my phone downstairs!
Howard: Damn, so did I.
Bernadette: Wait, I have my iPad.
Howard: What are you going to do, e-mail 911?
Quote from Leonard
Penny: Well, let's just get them apart for a while so they can cool down.
Leonard: Good. Then before we reintroduce them, we'll give him one of her sweaters so he can get used to her scent again.
Penny: So it's okay for you to joke around?
Leonard: No, that's actually what we did with him when Howard came back from space.
Quote from Leonard
Amy: I'm in this relationship, too. I need to stand up for myself.
Leonard: Of course you do.
Amy: And if he doesn't like it, he can move back here.
Leonard: Oh, he can try. He'd just need a good locksmith.
Quote from Sheldon
Amy: Well, for starters, there's nothing wrong with keeping our toothbrushes in the same holder.
Penny: Sheldon, what do you say to that?
Sheldon: I think we should see other people.
Quote from Sheldon
Penny: Well, who you gonna hit on? The girl in front of us got strawberry. That's your favorite.
Sheldon: No. No, if we both like it, I'll spend the rest of my life opening the freezer and going, "Aw, no strawberry."
Quote from Leonard
Amy: I guess I should have known what I was getting myself into.
Leonard: Don't beat yourself up. You've never lived with anyone before.
Amy: That's true.
Leonard: And you're starting out with Sheldon Cooper. That's like getting your first pet and having it be- I don't know. What's a kind of pet that ruins your life?
Quote from Bernadette
Stuart: I had nothing else to do tonight. The last couple of months, I come here when I know they're not home.
Howard: (In the upstairs window) What?!
Stuart: They heard me in the bushes once, but they thought it was a raccoon.
Bernadette: (In the upstairs window) I told you raccoons don't say "Uh-oh."
Quote from Penny
Sheldon: Anyway, I suppose an ice cream parlor will be a good place to meet other women.
Penny: Oh, please, you're barely interested in a physical relationship with one person. Why would you want to confuse and disappoint others?
Quote from Stuart
Raj: Here you go.
Stuart: Thank you.
Raj: Shall we toast?
Stuart: To Howard and Bernadette, and the house key they never asked me to return.
Quote from Raj
Stuart: I don't want to be an inconvenience. You've got all your lady friends -
Raj: Actually, I'm single now.
Stuart: What?! When did that happen?
Raj: It's okay. It's by choice. Well, their choice, and it's not okay.
Quote from Raj
Stuart: So you're back out on the dating scene now?
Raj: Yeah, yeah, a little.
Stuart: Oh, that must be fun. How's that going?
Raj: I'm in a hot tub with you, so pretty bad.
Quote from Leonard
Amy: Maybe I should just give in to his stupid bathroom schedule.
Leonard: No, don't do that.
Amy: But you did.
Leonard: Exactly! Learn from my mistakes! No matter where I am at 7:18 A.M., there better be a toilet nearby.
Quote from Amy
Amy: It's just so much easier to give him what he wants.
Leonard: Oh, true, but think of how much you've accomplished. Who got him to stop Purelling his pocket change?
Amy: Me.
Leonard: And who got him to put things other than gloves in the glove compartment?
Amy: Me. It was mittens.
Leonard: Mm. And who got him to try a turkey dog?
Amy: That was actually Koothrappali, but I did let him spit it out in my hand.
Quote from Leonard
Leonard: Look, how can you stop now? That's like walking out of Pinocchio right before he becomes a real boy.
Quote from Leonard
Amy: He put a sign up in the bathroom that says, "Number of days without Amy's hair on the soap."
Leonard: Yeah, my record was six.
Quote from Sheldon
Penny: What about the girl behind the counter?
Sheldon: Well, she spends her whole day scooping. One arm's probably bigger than the other.
Penny: Is it possible you might not actually want to meet someone?
Sheldon: You are truly wise.
Penny: Thank you.
Sheldon: I'd say wise beyond your years, but you're getting up there.
Quote from Penny
Sheldon: Penny, I am going to tell you a story that I've never told anyone.
Penny: All right.
Sheldon: I was 13 years old, and on spring break from college.
Penny: Not relating. Go on.
Sheldon: I came home early because they ran out of math to teach me.
Penny: Oh, now I'm with ya.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: I need to prepare her now to save her from pain down the road.
Penny: Down the road? Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!
Sheldon: Well, anything can sound silly when you put it in that tone.
Quote from Penny
Sheldon: I suppose I should apologize to you, as well.
Penny: Okay.
Sheldon: That must have hurt watching me look for other women without ever even considering you. Please understand that I think of you as more of a nanny.
Penny: Just finish your ice cream so I can get you home to bed.
Quote from Leonard
Sheldon: Oh, and also, I am willing to forgo the bathroom schedule.
Penny: Oh.
Leonard: Really? Why does she get that?! We never got that!
Penny: Do you want him back?
Leonard: I'm very happy for you.
Quote from Penny
Sheldon: Amy, you should know I was never really interested in seeing other women. And to prove how serious I am about us, I'm willing to take our relationship to the next level.
-Cut to Sheldon and Amy's bathroom in Apartment 4B-
Sheldon: Amy Farrah Fowler, will you share this toothbrush holder with me?
Amy: I would love to.
Leonard: Did we really need to be here for this?
Penny: Call me crazy, but I found it moving.
Quote from Howard
Howard: He heard me talking about us going away. I guess he decided to invite himself over?
Bernadette: Should we say something to him?
Howard: Maybe. How 'bout, "Hey, you look like a boiled chicken breast"?
Bernadette: I meant like, "What are you doing here?"
Howard: Nah, that's not gonna hurt his feelings.
Quote from Leonard
Amy: Why is nothing easy with him?
Leonard: Look, here's the thing you need to understand about Sheldon, he's the worst.
Amy: I prefer to think of it as high-maintenance.
Leonard: I prefer to think of myself as 5' 10", but I still need to get all my pants hemmed.
Quote from Penny
Sheldon: Do you know that when I get out of the shower, she eyes me up and down like I'm a piece of meat?
Penny: You know, so does Leonard. Can't I just get ready in the morning without him giving me his goofy thumbs-up? "Hey. (chuckles)"
Sheldon: Sometimes I would just like to be appreciated for my mind.
Penny: Agreed! Thank you!
Quote from Penny
Sheldon: You know, people are quick to accuse me of being difficult to live with, but the truth is, Amy is just as challenging.
Penny: Just as challenging.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: As you.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Just as challenging as you?
Quote from Leonard
Amy: I told you, you can't regulate every aspect of our lives.
Sheldon: I can if you'd just roll over and accept your fate.
Amy: I'm sorry for bringing this over here.
Penny: Believe me, we know what you're going through.
Leonard: And I think the most helpful thing we can tell you is no backsies.
Quote from Stuart
Raj: What time do you and Bernadette head out?
Howard: As soon as I get home. We're hoping to make it before dark.
Raj: I've never been to Palm Springs.
Stuart: Oh, you should go. It's terrific. I really thrive anywhere the women and the temperature are over 90.
Quote from Raj
Raj: I don't know. If I want to watch old people sweat, I can just FaceTime my family in India.
Quote from Howard
Stuart: It's nice you and Bernadette are getting away.
Howard: Well, she wants us to spend more time together before the baby comes.
Stuart: So then what are you doing here buying comic books?
Howard: Well, he (Raj) wants us to spend more time together before the baby comes.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Well, as a male, I have an evolutionary drive to perpetuate my DNA. Restricting myself to a single partner is against my nature.
Amy: We sleep together once a year! You want other partners?
Sheldon: Don't blame me. Blame your pal, biology. He's the pervert pulling the strings here.
Quote from Penny
Penny: Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!
Quote from Leonard
Penny: Okay, I'm confused. Which one is Mr. Robot?
Leonard: I'll give you a hint. We're watching Daredevil.
Quote from Howard
Howard: Well, pulling a quarter out of your ear isn't the only magic these hands can do. In fact, what's this between your toes?
Bernadette: Can you please stop making money come out of me for two minutes?
Quote from Howard
Howard: Those jets are for my secret spot, not his!
Bernadette: What do you do in there?!
Howard: It's called relaxing, and that's all you need to know.
Quote from Stuart
Raj: I wonder if this is what it feels like to be Bernadette's baby.
Stuart: I don't know. Bernadette's baby doesn't have a Jacuzzi jet hitting just the right spot.
Quote from Leonard
Sheldon: Will you two please inform Amy how much you enjoy adhering to a strict bathroom schedule?
Penny: Can't.
Leonard: Won't.
Penny: Didn't.
Leonard: Don't.
Quote from Leonard
Amy: You wanna see other people? Go see other people.
Penny: I hope one of those people is a monkey, 'cause this is bananas.
Leonard: Hey, you can make jokes, but if this keeps up, he's gonna move back in here.
Quote from Howard
Howard: Who's ready for a hot, three-hour car ride to the desert?
Bernadette: Next vomit is gonna be in your lap.
Howard: I'm sorry. We don't have to go.
Bernadette: But it's our last chance to take a vacation that's just the two of us.
Howard: How 'bout we stay here? We don't even have to tell anyone. It'll be like a secret vacation at home.
Quote from Bernadette
Bernadette: Why wouldn't he tell us? Are we bad friends?
Howard: He's in our hot tub drinking our wine.
Bernadette: Yeah, he deserves to be alone.
Quote from Howard
Bernadette: Keeping secrets from our friends. That does sound kinda fun.
Howard: Does it sound sexy?
Bernadette: You just heard me throwing up.
Howard: You bet I did.
Bernadette: You're so weird.
Howard: You know what's weird? How turned on you are right now.
Quote from Stuart
Raj: So how's your apartment?
Stuart: Not great. The electricity's out.
Raj: So why don't you get it fixed?
Stuart: I called, and they're like, "Pay your bill!"
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: If we're just going to drive around aimlessly, the least you could do is take me for ice cream.
Penny: Yeah, I'll take you for ice cream.
Sheldon: Well, see, why can't Amy be that subservient? She has coitus one time, suddenly she's Gloria Steinem.
Quote from Penny
Penny: You know, one night, Leonard's nose whistled so loud, I swear it was like sleeping on a train track.
Sheldon: Have you noticed it's always an A-flat?
Penny: Is it?
*Sheldon whistles*
Penny: Oh! It's like his sinuses are right here in the car.
Quote from Howard
Howard: Is that the hot tub?
Bernadette: Who would use our hot tub?
Howard: Well, the answer is both more and less disturbing than you think.
Bernadette: Who is it?
Howard: Stuart.
Quote from Raj
Raj: What are you doing here?!
Stuart: What are you doing here?!
Raj: Maybe Howard and Bernadette said I could be here!
Stuart: Did they?
Raj: Answer the question! What are you doing here?!
Quote from Howard
Bernadette: Is it me, or is there something fun about watching him just float there?
Howard: Maybe this is why people get fish tanks.
Quote from Penny
Sheldon: Oh, look who's in favor of compromise, the woman who married Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Hey, she didn't compromise. She settled. There's a difference.
Penny: Yeah, you tell him, babe.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: When we're sleeping, she breathes on me. One night, it got so bad I almost grabbed Toto and headed for the storm cellar.