Amy: Why is nothing easy with him?
Leonard: Look, here's the thing you need to understand about Sheldon, he's the worst.
Amy: I prefer to think of it as high-maintenance.
Leonard: I prefer to think of myself as 5' 10", but I still need to get all my pants hemmed.

Amy: I guess I should have known what I was getting myself into.
Leonard: Don't beat yourself up. You've never lived with anyone before.
Amy: That's true.
Leonard: And you're starting out with Sheldon Cooper. That's like getting your first pet and having it be- I don't know. What's a kind of pet that ruins your life?

Amy: He put a sign up in the bathroom that says, "Number of days without Amy's hair on the soap."
Leonard: Yeah, my record was six.

Stuart: I had nothing else to do tonight. The last couple of months, I come here when I know they're not home.
Howard: (In the upstairs window) What?!
Stuart: They heard me in the bushes once, but they thought it was a raccoon.
Bernadette: (In the upstairs window) I told you raccoons don't say "Uh-oh."

Sheldon: Anyway, I suppose an ice cream parlor will be a good place to meet other women.
Penny: Oh, please, you're barely interested in a physical relationship with one person. Why would you want to confuse and disappoint others?

Raj: Here you go.
Stuart: Thank you.
Raj: Shall we toast?
Stuart: To Howard and Bernadette, and the house key they never asked me to return.

Stuart: I don't want to be an inconvenience. You've got all your lady friends -
Raj: Actually, I'm single now.
Stuart: What?! When did that happen?
Raj: It's okay. It's by choice. Well, their choice, and it's not okay.

Stuart: So you're back out on the dating scene now?
Raj: Yeah, yeah, a little.
Stuart: Oh, that must be fun. How's that going?
Raj: I'm in a hot tub with you, so pretty bad.

Amy: Maybe I should just give in to his stupid bathroom schedule.
Leonard: No, don't do that.
Amy: But you did.
Leonard: Exactly! Learn from my mistakes! No matter where I am at 7:18 A.M., there better be a toilet nearby.

Leonard: Look, how can you stop now? That's like walking out of Pinocchio right before he becomes a real boy.

Penny: Well, who you gonna hit on? The girl in front of us got strawberry. That's your favorite.
Sheldon: No. No, if we both like it, I'll spend the rest of my life opening the freezer and going, "Aw, no strawberry."

Penny: What about the girl behind the counter?
Sheldon: Well, she spends her whole day scooping. One arm's probably bigger than the other.
Penny: Is it possible you might not actually want to meet someone?
Sheldon: You are truly wise.
Penny: Thank you.
Sheldon: I'd say wise beyond your years, but you're getting up there.

Sheldon: Penny, I am going to tell you a story that I've never told anyone.
Penny: All right.
Sheldon: I was 13 years old, and on spring break from college.
Penny: Not relating. Go on.
Sheldon: I came home early because they ran out of math to teach me.
Penny: Oh, now I'm with ya.

Sheldon: I need to prepare her now to save her from pain down the road.
Penny: Down the road? Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!
Sheldon: Well, anything can sound silly when you put it in that tone.

Sheldon: I suppose I should apologize to you, as well.
Penny: Okay.
Sheldon: That must have hurt watching me look for other women without ever even considering you. Please understand that I think of you as more of a nanny.
Penny: Just finish your ice cream so I can get you home to bed.