Sheldon: Well, this is highly insulting.
Amy: Sheldon, don't overreact.
Sheldon: I'm the child she was worried about? I have a brother and sister whose combined intellectual wattage couldn't power a potato clock ... if I spotted them the potato.

Sheldon: So Bernadette, if I express interest in your baby will you promise not to make me touch it?
Bernadette: Sure.
Sheldon: Hey, how's life with your baby?
Amy: Really? You're never gonna touch their baby?
Sheldon: To this day I've never touched Stuart.

Sheldon: Amy and I are living together in sin, like a couple of New Yorkers. Now, while you scold us, I'm going to get a knife and a fork. Joe may be sloppy, but Sheldon's not.

Amy: You know, there's a chance she might be okay with it.
Sheldon: Eh, I don't know. I am her precious little boy. And you did take my flower.

Mary Cooper: Well, thank you for letting me know, and I, for one, am thrilled.
Sheldon: What? What Where's the judgment? Where's the fire and brimstone? Where's the part where you tell us we're going to Hell, and I say "Have you seen the size of the bugs outside? We're already there!"

Amy: Sheldon, what what are you doing?
Sheldon: Just being the un-socialized eccentric my mother always thought I was.
Mary Cooper: You startin' to see why I didn't go in there?

[In Mary Cooper's living room]
Sheldon: And I don't understand why you're taking her side. By being my girlfriend, she's saying you're a weirdo, too.
Amy: I don't think that's what she's saying.
[Cut to Sheldon and Amy in the apartment kitchen, telling Leonard and Penny the story of their trip]
Sheldon: And?
Amy: That's exactly what she was saying.

Sheldon: Can you believe my mother thinks we're both strange?
Leonard: (loudly) Absolutely not!
Penny: (whispering) That's too loud.
Leonard: (quietly) Absolutely not.

Amy: You know, I'm sorry your mother made you feel bad. But, you know, at the end of the day, she was wrong, because you're not alone.
Sheldon: You're right. I have Leonard and Howard and Raj, Stuart, Penny, Leonard's mom, Bernadette, Wil Wheaton.
Amy: What about the woman who just buttered your big flat feet?
Sheldon: I was going chronologically. You're right between Koothrappali's father and Omar, the one-eyed Sparkletts guy.

Amy: This was a potential issue, so I got out ahead of it and I managed the situation for you.
Sheldon: You "managed the situation"?
Amy: That's right.
Sheldon: So my mother thought I was incapable of finding a mate, and my mate thinks I'm incapable of running my own life.
Amy: Not your whole life! I mean, science. You got that. Organizing your sock drawer, you're the king.

Penny: There's the little family!
Raj: Hello.
Stuart: Hello.
Leonard: And their Sherpas.

Penny: They told Mary they were living together, there was a fight, he got his feelings hurt, then he put underwear on his head-
Leonard: On purpose, not the way it used to happen in high school.
Sheldon: I was acting odd intentionally.
Bernadette: Really? So you can control it?

Leonard: Stupid idea.
Penny: No, what's stupid is a physicist who doesn't understand when you swing an axe, you don't let go.
Leonard: For the tenth time, my mittens were slippery!
Penny: Ugh. It's 70 degrees, you didn't need mittens.
Leonard: You know how easily I blister.
Penny: Yes, yes, you bruise, you peel. It's like I'm married to an old piece of fruit.

Bernadette: How come Stuart can get her to stop crying, but I can't?
Howard: It's Stuart. Maybe she's playing possum until he goes away.

Leonard: How did you get the baby to stop crying?
Stuart: Oh, I just talked to her. I've been told the sound of my voice puts people to sleep.