Quotes from ‘The Long Distance Dissonance’
![]()
The Long Distance Dissonance When Sheldon's old admirer, Dr. Ramona Nowitzki, returns to the university while Amy is away at Princeton, Sheldon's friends try to protect his relationship with Amy. |
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Because there's only one of me, I'm more valuable.
Penny: Right.
Sheldon: Although, Amy's already taken me out of my package and played with me.
Quote from Amy
Amy: Why didn't you tell me?
Bernadette: We didn't want you to worry.
Amy: Should I worry?
Penny: No, come on, it's Sheldon. Nothing is gonna happen.
Amy: That's what you said to me when I started dating him. And then five years later, bingo-bango, something happened.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Amy. *knock knock knock* Amy. *knock knock knock* Amy.
[Amy opens the door. Sheldon is on one knee, holding out an engagement ring]
Sheldon: Will you marry me?
Quote from Amy
Amy: I've been smacking that ketchup bottle for a long time. All she has to do is tip it over and point it at her fries.
Quote from Penny
Penny: Come on, looks don't matter to Sheldon. ... Because he only has eyes for you!
Amy: Nice try.
Penny: Thanks, I was scrambling.
Quote from Leonard
Penny: All right, this is making me crazy. Somebody's got to go over there.
Leonard: You got feet and legs, you do it.
Quote from Penny
Penny: Not only did they eat together, Leonard said he made her laugh.
Bernadette: That's nothing, Howie said she touched his hand.
Penny: Did he Purell?
Bernadette: No.
Penny: I cannot believe Leonard mentioned the Toblerone but left that part out.
Quote from Sheldon
Penny: Okay, let's try this. Think of yourself as one of those limited edition toys people like to collect.
Sheldon: I already do.
Quote from Sheldon
Leonard: Uh, so, Ramona, tell us about yourself. Do you, do you have a boyfriend?
Sheldon: Leonard, your wife is sitting right here. What are you doing?
Quote from Bernadette
Penny: Do you think living with Amy has somehow stirred up Sheldon's sexual appetite?
Bernadette: (grimacing with disgust) Ugh. How can you think that? Why would you even put those words together?
Quote from Leonard
Leonard: Tonight he wants to look at ladders at Home Depot.
Raj: Oh, why does he need a ladder?
Leonard: He doesn't; he just likes looking at them. Bring a book.
Quote from Howard
Raj: What just happened?
Howard: A stranger just lured Sheldon away with a candy bar.
Quote from Sheldon
Ramona Nowitzki: Hey, did you eat yet?
Sheldon: Uh, breakfast yes, lunch no. I did have a cough drop, but that really rides the line between sucking and eating.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Hey, I hate to break up the party, but Amy says I'm tired and have to go to bed.
Quote from Sheldon
Ramona Nowitzki: Are these all from Peter Higgs?
Sheldon: Hmm? Oh, no, no, no. They're from many famous people. See? Oh, like this one. This is from Patrick Stewart. It says if I come to his house again, I get to meet his dogs.
Quote from Sheldon
Ramona Nowitzki: I was proud of him. A lot of people don't put their face in the water on the first day.
Sheldon: Well, I was hiding from a bee, but it still counts.
Quote from Sheldon
Leonard: You actually got in a pool?
Sheldon: I was scared, but I told myself it's just a big bathtub. Then I got scared again 'cause there are all these strangers in my bathtub.
Quote from Raj
Raj: Dr. Nowitzki. Good to see you.
Ramona Nowitzki: Good to see you, too.
Raj: May I join you?
Ramona Nowitzki: No.
Raj: Good to see you.
Quote from Stuart
Howard: Should we do something about Nowitzki?
Leonard: Like what?
Raj: Well, she's single, so if somebody else asks her out and she says yes, then we know she's not into Sheldon.
Stuart: I'll do it.
Leonard: No offense, Stuart, but the woman's a doctor.
Stuart: So? Doctors like me. Whenever I see mine he calls in a bunch of other doctors to have a look.
Howard: She's not that kind of doctor.
Stuart: Oh. Well, her loss. I've been called a genuine medical oddity.
Quote from Leonard
Raj: Can you even eat those things?
Leonard: If I take a Lactaid a half-hour before and some Pepto right after.
Raj: Sounds like a lot of work.
Leonard: Eh, I'm worth it.
Quote from Leonard
Howard: It's unbelievable. Sheldon has lunch with another woman and somehow my wife yells at me.
Leonard: Penny laid into me, too. Apparently, I'm overly fixated on premium Swiss chocolate bars.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: I've learned some fun facts about New Jersey to help you make small talk. Would you like to know the state bird or the murder rate? They're both shocking.
Amy: Actually, I want to hear about you. How are things at home?
Sheldon: Well, I'm a lot less likely to see an Eastern Goldfinch or be murdered, I'll tell you that.
Quote from Amy
Penny: Well, what do you want us to do?
Amy: I don't know. Might be the New Jersey talking, but this Nowitzki broad needs to disappear.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Gentlemen, you may remember Dr. Nowitzki. She's back at Caltech for her postdoc.
Leonard: Hello.
Ramona Nowitzki: Hello.
Raj: Hi. Oh, let me bring a chair for you.
Sheldon: Oh, thanks. Dr. Nowitzki's going to tell me about the work she did at CERN. And she brought me this duty-free Toblerone.
Leonard: Oh. I love those.
Sheldon: (To Ramona) Let's sit somewhere else.
Quote from Howard
Leonard: Wait, isn't she the grad student that used to follow him around?
Howard: Oh, yeah. Back before he hit puberty and grew man parts.
Quote from Penny
Penny: All right, then we agree. He's not making any moves, it's this Dr. Ramona chick.
Bernadette: Nowitzki. I Googled her, she's pretty cute.
Penny: Really? All I got from Leonard was the Toblerone bar had nuts.
Quote from Leonard
Howard: How's Sheldon doing with Amy gone?
Leonard: Well, the last three nights I've had to take him to get a haircut, to the train store, and to a Walgreens in Arcadia where they still have the "good ibuprofen." Now, ask me how I'm doing with Amy gone.
Raj: How are you doing with-
Leonard: Shut up.
Quote from Howard
Leonard: He just made her laugh, something's wrong.
Raj: Do you see the way she's looking at him?
Howard: Yeah. Like Bernadette used to look at me.
Raj: I keep telling you, close the bathroom door.
Leonard: Ah, did you see that? She just touched his hand and he didn't swat it away. What is happening?
Howard: Okay, the simplest explanation is usually the right one.
Raj: Which is?
Howard: That ain't Sheldon.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: That may be true, but Dr. Nowitzki's just a friend. In fact, I wouldn't have even noticed she's a woman if she hadn't worn that bathing suit that highlighted her bosom.
Quote from Howard
Howard: If you'd like, we can help you out.
Leonard: Oh, that would be great.
Howard: I mean, not me, I've got a wife and child, but this one posts video of himself flossing on Instagram.
Raj: It was a tutorial. And yes, I'm happy to keep Sheldon company.
Quote from Sheldon
Penny: All right. What do you think is happening?
Sheldon: I think Dr. Nowitzki is a friendly colleague. I think you and Leonard need to see a marriage counselor. And I need to update my rsum to include swimming as a special skill.
Quote from Sheldon
Penny: We need to talk.
Sheldon: Wh-- Is this about Leonard and Amy? I don't like it either.
Quote from Amy
Amy: It's so strange. Earlier today, I ended a sentence with a preposition, and you weren't there to correct my grammar.
Quote from Raj
Raj: We're being ridiculous. There's no way a woman that attractive is trying to seduce Sheldon Cooper.
Howard: You done trying to make yourself feel better?
Raj: No. I haven't played the race card yet.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Amy: In fact, that's when I started to really miss you.
Sheldon: You know you just split an infinitive.
Amy: Did I? Are you gonna teach me a lesson?
Sheldon: I am. It is naughty to put an adverb between the word "to" and the verb stem.
Amy: What are you gonna do about it?
Sheldon: I'm going to admonish you.
Amy: Vigorously?
Sheldon: That's the only kind of admonishing I do.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: What is Leonard doing calling you at this hour?
Amy: It's not important.
Sheldon: I must tell you, that seems a little inappropriate. Don't you agree?
Ramona Nowitzki: I do.
Sheldon: See? We both think so.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: So, tell me about your scalar dark energy experiment.
Ramona Nowitzki: Not 'til you tell me about your latest paper on quantum loop theory.
Sheldon: Oh. You must be one of those dessert before dinner people.
Quote from Penny
Penny: Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that exactly what we were supposed to stop from happening?
Bernadette: I threw my body at them, what else did you want me to do?
Leonard: You think you should call Amy?
Penny: You got fingers and a mouth, you call her.
Quote from Raj
Ramona Nowitzki: No, my work doesn't leave me a lot of time for relationships.
Raj: I think you made that very clear.
Quote from Sheldon
Penny: So, Sheldon, have you talked to Amy?
Sheldon: Yes, we Skyped this morning and I'm sure I'll check in with her before I go to sleep.
Ramona Nowitzki: Sheldon talks about her all the time. I can't wait to meet her.
Sheldon: That is true. She keeps asking how long Amy's going to be gone.
Quote from Bernadette
Penny: Do you really think there's reason to worry?
Leonard: Yeah, she's definitely going after Sheldon.
Raj: I made a play for her and she shot me down.
Penny: All right, well, that doesn't prove anything.
Bernadette: Yeah, there's a million reasons a woman would shoot Raj down.
Raj: Like, really, a million?
Bernadette: Fine, hundreds.
Raj: Thank you.
Quote from Leonard
Raj: She's clearly having a working lunch and preferred to eat alone.
Ramona Nowitzki: Dr. Cooper, over here.
Raj: I could have made her very happy.
Leonard: You kept walking. I think you did.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: And get this, I saw an articulating ladder with dual-leg leveling, which delivers stability and adaptability to uneven terrain.
Amy: Sounds like a big night.
Sheldon: Yeah. Raj made the funniest joke, he said, "Which is the best ladder to use to hang myself?"
Quote from Stuart
Raj: Actually, I was going to suggest me.
Howard: Great. Anybody's better than, (glancing at Stuart) mmm.
Stuart: Excuse me. They took out my spleen and gallbladder, not my feelings.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: She's always been a huge fan of my work, and now she's doing research at Caltech.
Amy: Huge fan, you say?
Sheldon: Yes. I think you'd like her. She's extremely intelligent, just like you. Unlike you, she's tall, blonde and used to be an Olympic swimmer.
Quote from Bernadette
Penny: We thought you meant not letting him run out into traffic.
Bernadette: Which he only did once.
Quote from Bernadette
Penny: Will you go with me?
Bernadette: To do what? Shake a can of nickels at them?