Leonard: Oh, who am I kidding? I can't go through with this, you need to call her and cancel.
Sheldon: Me?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: What should I tell her?
Leonard: I don't know. Tell her I'm sick.
Sheldon: Okay.
Leonard: Not the kind of illness that will make her want to come over and take care of me, but nothing so critical that she'll feel uncomfortable going out with me in the future if I want to try this again.
Sheldon: Got it. So I'm assuming nothing venereal. I'll just tell her that you had a routine colonoscopy and haven't quite bounced back.

Sheldon: Whoo! I'm all sweaty. Anybody wanna log on to Second Life and go swimming? I just built a virtual pool.
Leonard: No, I can't look at you or your avatar right now.

Wolowitz: So, how'd it go with Leslie?
Leonard: Oh, we tried kissing, but the earth didn't move. I mean any more than the 383 miles it was gonna move anyway.

Howard: Alright, just a few more feet, and ... here we are gentlemen, the Gates of Elzebob.
Sheldon: Good lord!
Raj: Oooh.
Leonard: Don't panic, this is what the last 97 hours have been about.

Howard: Stay frosty, there's a horde of armed goblins on the other side of that gate guarding the Sword of Azeroth.
Leonard: Warriors, unsheathe your weapons, magic wielders raise your wands.
Sheldon: Lock and load.
Howard: Raj, blow up the gates.
Raj: Blowing the gates. Control, shift, B! Oh, my God, so many goblins!

Leonard: I just, I got your mail again, here.
Penny: Thank you. I've got to talk to that mailman.
Leonard: Oh no, that's probably not such a good idea. Civil servants have a documented propensity to, you know, snap.

Sheldon: I have noticed that Lesley Winkle recently started shaving her legs. Now, given that winter is coming one can only assume that she is signaling sexual availability.

Leslie Winkle: What do you think?
Leonard: You proposed the experiment, I think you should present your findings first.
Leslie Winkle: Fair enough. On the plus side, it was a good kiss, reasonable technique, no extraneous spittle. On the other hand, no arousal.
Leonard: None?
Leslie Winkle: None.
Leonard: Ah. Well, thank you for your time.
Leslie Winkle: Thank you.

Leonard: God, that's a good song.
Sheldon: If you're compiling a mix CD for a double suicide.

Sheldon: Oh, I hope that scratching post is for you.
Leonard: I know what you're thinking. I've taken your asthma into account. There's a feline geneticist in San Diego who has developed the cutest little hypo-allergenic calicos.
Sheldon: Leonard, listen to me.
Leonard: I've been thinking about names. I'm kind of torn between Einstein, Newton and Sergeant Fuzzyboots.

Sheldon: What time is your date?
Leonard: Six thirty.
Sheldon: Perfect, that gives you two hours and fifteen minutes for that dense molecular cloud of Aramis to dissipate.
Leonard: Is it too much?
Sheldon: Not if you're a rugby team.

Sheldon: Of course, there's the other possibility that this date kicks off a rather unpleasant six months of the two of you passing awkwardly in the hall until one of you breaks down and moves to another zip code.
Leonard: You could have stopped at "it could go well."
Sheldon: If I could've, I would've.

Leonard: If I could calm down I wouldn't be having a panic attack, that's why they call it a panic attack.
Sheldon: All right, all right. Well, just sit down. Yes, sit down, now close your eyes.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: Just do it.
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: Now try to increase your alpha-wave activity.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: It's a bio-feedback technique. It's relaxation through brain-wave manipulation. I read a paper about it in the Journal of American Neuroscience. It was a little sparsely sourced but I think the basic science is valid. I probably have it here somewhere.

Penny: So are the rest of the guys meeting us here?
Leonard: Oh, yeah, no. Turns out that Raj and Howard had to work, and Sheldon had a colonoscopy and he hasn't quite bounced back yet.
Penny: Ooh, my uncle just had a colonoscopy.
Leonard: You're kidding. Well, then, that's something we have in common.
Penny: How?
Leonard: We both have people in our lives who ... want to nip intestinal polyps in the bud.

Penny: Okay, well, you know, it's just me. I'm still getting over this break-up with Kurt, and this thing with Doug would be just rebound sex.
Leonard: Ugh, don't get me started on rebound sex.
Penny: It's just, it's my pattern. I break up, then I find some cute guy, and then it's just thirty six meaningless of ... well, you know.
Leonard: I'm not sure that I do. Um, is that one thirty-six hour experience, or is it thirty six hours spread out over say, one ... glorious summer.
Penny: No, it's usually over a weekend, and trust me, you do not feel good after it.
Leonard: Well, chafing, right?
Penny: Emotionally.
Leonard: Of course, yeah, emotional chafing.