Doug: What's up, bro?
Leonard: Uh, nothing much... Bro!

Sheldon: Oh, I've seen that look before. This is just going to be two weeks of moping and tedious Emo songs, and calling me to come down to pet stores to look at cats. I don't know if I can take it.
Raj: You could power down.

Howard: Don't just stand there. Slash and move, slash and move.
Leonard: Stay in formation.
Howard: Leonard, you've got one on your tail.
Leonard: That's all right. My tails prehensile, I'll swat him off.

Howard: Leonard, look out!
Leonard: Dammit man, we're dying here.
Sheldon: Goodbye, peasants.
Leonard: The bastard teleported.

Howard: Sounds like your neighbor's home.
Leonard: Excuse me.
Sheldon: Don't forget the mail you took accidentally on purpose so you'd have an excuse to talk to her.
Leonard: Oh, right. Right, right, right, right.
Howard: Stealing snail mail, very old school, I like it.

Sheldon: Penny for your thoughts.
Raj: What's the matter.
Leonard: No, I'm fine. Penny's fine, the guy she's kissing is really fine and...
Howard: Kissing, what kind of kissing? Cheeks? Lips? Chaste? French?
Leonard: What is wrong with you?
Howard: I'm a romantic.

Sheldon: Please don't tell me that your hopeless infatuation is devolving into pointless jealousy.
Leonard: No, I'm not jealous. I'm just a little concerned for her. I didn't like the look of the guy that she was with.
Howard: Because he looked better than you?
Leonard: Yeah. He was kinda dreamy.

Leonard: Well, I'm done with Penny. I'm going to be more realistic and go after someone my own speed.
Raj: Like who?
Leonard: I don't know. Olivia Geiger?
Sheldon: The dietitian at the cafeteria with the limp and the lazy eye?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Well, I don't think you have a shot there.

Howard: I don't know, you guys work in the same lab.
Leonard: So?
Howard: There are pitfalls. Trust me, I know. When it comes to sexual harassment law I'm ... a bit of a self-taught expert.
Leonard: Look, Howard, if I were to ask Lesley Winkle out it would just be for dinner. I'm not going to walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me.
Howard: Oh, then you're probably okay.

Leslie Winkle: Hang on. I'm trying to see how long it takes a five hundred kilowatt oxygen iodine laser to heat up my cup o' noodles.
Leonard: Pfff, I've done it. About two seconds, 2.6 for minestrone.

Leslie Winkle: What sort of experiment would you propose?
Leonard: There is a generally accepted pattern in this area, I would pick you up, take you to a restaurant, then we would see a movie, probably a romantic comedy featuring the talents of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock.
Leslie Winkle: Interesting. And would you agree that the primary way we would evaluate either the success or failure of the date would be based on the bio-chemical reaction during the goodnight kiss.
Leonard: Heart rate, pheromones, etc, yes.

Leslie Winkle: Well, why don't we just stipulate that the date goes well and move to the key variable?
Leonard: You mean, kiss you now?
Leslie Winkle: Yes.
Leonard: Can you define the parameters of the kiss?
Leslie Winkle: Closed mouth but romantic. Mint?
Leonard: Thank you. (Takes mint). Shall I count down from three?
Leslie Winkle: No, I think it needs to be spontaneous.

Leonard: Good afternoon, Penny. So, hi, hey. Uh, I was wondering if you had plans for dinner.
Penny: Uh, do you mean dinner tonight?
Leonard: There is an inherent ambiguity in the word dinner. Technically it refers to the largest meal of the day whenever it is consumed, so, to clarify here, by dinner I mean supper.
Penny: Supper?
Leonard: Or dinner. I was thinking six thirty, if you can go, or a different time.

Leonard: How do I look?
Sheldon: Could you be more specific?
Leonard: Can you tell I'm perspiring a little?
Sheldon: No. The dark crescent-shaped patterns under your arms conceal it nicely.

Leonard: By the way, if it should ever come up, you didn't join us because you stuffed yourself with a chicken carbonara sub at Quizznos.
Sheldon: Why would I join you?
Leonard: No reason.