Leonard: Well, the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half.
Raj: Oh, sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from.

Penny: Wait. Wait, Sheldon come back, you forgot something.
Sheldon: What?
Penny: This plasma grenade. Ha! Look, it's raining you!

Leonard: Wow, Penny, you're on fire!
Penny: Yeah, so is Sheldon!

Penny: She'll have sex with anyone as long as they keep buying her things.
Howard: Really?
Penny: Yeah!
Howard: Yay! If you'll excuse me, I have some bar mitzvah bonds to cash.

Penny: Hey, guys! My friends and I got tired of dancing so we came over to have sex with you.
(The guys continue to play Halo).
Penny: Told ya.
(Penny and her friends leave).
Sheldon: Why did you hit pause?
Leonard: I thought I heard something.
Rajesh: What?
Leonard: No, never mind.

Howard: By the way, where did you get that loofah mitt? Yours reaches places that mine just won't.
Penny: You used my loofah?
Howard: More precisely, we used your loofah. I exfoliated her brains out!

Sheldon: Oh, what fresh hell is this?

Chen: Hi, fellas. Oh, where's your annoying little friend who thinks he speaks Mandarin?
Sheldon: He's putting his needs ahead of the collective good. Where he comes from, that's punishable by death.
Chen: I come from Sacramento.

Penny: Anything else?
Sheldon: Yes. If you use my toothbrush, I will jump out that window. Please don't come to my funeral. Have a good night.

Sheldon: The wheel was a great idea. Relativity was a great idea. This is a notion, and a rather sucky one.

Penny: Ugh, I cannot believe Christy let Howard into my apartment.
Sheldon: And I cannot believe people pay for horoscopes. But on a more serious note, it's 8:13 and we're still not playing "Halo".

Mrs. Wolowitz: That's right. Go back to Babylon, you whore!

Sheldon: I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it's more like Doctor Why Bother.

Penny: Cool! Whose head did I just blow off?
Sheldon: Mine!

Sheldon: One-on-one? We don't play one-on-one. We play teams, not one-on-one. One-on-one!

Sheldon: Whoever's her partner will be hamstrung by her lack of experience, not to mention-
Penny: Ha-ha! There goes your head again.
Sheldon: Okay, it's not good sportsmanship to shoot somebody who's just re-spawned. You need to give them a chance to-
Now, come on!

Howard: See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day, you'll have good luck.
Penny: No, you won't.

Sheldon: I don't know how, but she is cheating! Nobody can be that attractive and this skilled at a videogame.

Raj: Not only are there children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here.

Sheldon: Yeah, I apologize for my earlier outburst! Who needs Halo when we can be regaled delightfully with the folksy tale of the "whore of Omaha"?

Penny: I grew up on a farm. From what I heard, they're either having sex or Howard's caught in a milking machine.

Christy: Mmm! There's my little engine that could.
*Howard makes train noise*
Sheldon: There's one beloved children's book I'll never read again.

Leonard: You know, Penny, we make such a good team, maybe we could enter a couple of Halo tournaments sometime.
Penny: Or we could just have a life.

Sheldon: If we're all through playing "Mock the Flawed Technology", can we get on with Halo Night? We were supposed to start at 8, it is now 8:06.

Penny: OK, I have a problem!
Sheldon: It's called carpal tunnel syndrome, and quite frankly, you deserve it.

Leonard: You have a TV in your room. Why don't you have breakfast in bed?
Sheldon: Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day.

Howard: When they perfect human cloning, I'm gonna order 12 of those.

Leonard: If you don't like this Christy, why are you letting her stay?
Penny: Well, she was engaged to my cousin while she was sleeping with my brother, so she's kind of family.

Leonard: I don't think she's a whore.
Penny: Oh no, she's definitely a whore. She has no standards. ... Wait, where's Howard?
*Off screen:*
Wolowitz: Bonjour, mademoiselle. I understand you're new in town.
Sheldon: Oh, good God!