Penny: Here we go. "Let him have ownership of his choices. Allow him to choose from options that are acceptable to you."
Leonard: All right, I'll give it a try. "I can drive you in two hours or you can take an Uber"
Penny: Good. See, now he feels like he has a choice.
Leonard: Huh. (phone chimes) He's gonna take an Uber.
Penny: Wow, it worked.
Leonard: Unless he bites the driver, yeah.

Sheldon: And now they're working on a Saturday? Can you believe them? Like, is this how you envisioned your weekend?
Bernadette: No, it is not.

Sheldon: This whole thing is maddening.
Bernadette: I'm really busy. I don't have time to listen to you complain.
Sheldon: Hey! You're complaining, too. "Sheldon, why are you here?" "Sheldon, the applesauce is for the baby."

Sheldon: Wait, wait, now, hold on. Why'd you ask me about Tom Sawyer?
Bernadette: I'm just interested in you.
Sheldon: Well, you are sweeter than your applesauce.

Howard: You think that's impressive, take apart that brain model.
Amy: Oh my God, three of clubs. That was my card! How did you?
Howard: I used to make it appear in my pants, but HR said I had to stop doing that.

Raj: Guys, you won't believe this. I stopped by the university to check in on Howard and Amy, and they were having fun.
Sheldon: Well, don't worry. He won't be having any fun when he gets home. I did all his favorite chores!

Penny: So is this how it's gonna be if we have kids? You're just gonna throw me under the bus?
Leonard: If you spoil them the way you do Sheldon, then, yeah.
Penny: Uh, my way was working. Okay? I think you're just upset because there are some things I am better than you at.
Leonard: Well, you can't end a sentence with a preposition, so clearly not grammar.
Penny: If you're so smart, was that a smart thing to say?
Leonard: That depends. Before I said it, was sex tonight still on the table?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Then it's fine.

Sheldon: It is a big deal. Howard's getting Amy used to laughing and listening to music. What if she expects that madness at home?