Raj: Hey, what are you working on?
Bernadette: Oh, my God, you're still here?
Raj: Well, of course I'm here. I know what you're going through.
Bernadette: Really? You have a needy Indian man in your house?
Raj: I did, but then he came over here.

Bernadette: Oh, and, Penny, she kinda threw up on your stuffed bear.
Penny: Oh, that's okay.
Leonard: Hey. That's an Ewok and it's mine.
Penny: Yeah, which is why it's okay.

Sheldon: What makes you think you can treat me like a child?
Leonard: Your shampoo comes in a Big Bird bottle.
Sheldon: That's because the adult shampoo burns my man eyes.

Amy: So, Howard, are you interested?
Howard: Are you kidding? If I could control robot arms with my brain, I'd be able to do so many things.
Sheldon: Really? Because you've been controlling human arms with your brain for years and not much has come of it.

Sheldon: (imitates a siren wailing)
Leonard: I don't know. Uh, French police?
Sheldon: Oh, so close. Belgian ambulance.

Leonard: You're not jealous of Howard, are you?
Sheldon: Of course not. The only engineer I'm jealous of is the one who blows the train whistle. Ooh, that just gave me an idea for a new game, "What whistle am I?"
Leonard: Train.
Sheldon: For your information, it was going to be tea kettle, but the tea kettle was on a train, so I'll give it to you.

Howard: If we add phase detection to your EEG sensors, I'll have to rewrite most of the code.
Amy: Can you do that?
Howard: Well, these hands were made to do three things: close-up magic, writing code, and the dirty shadow puppet show that got me kicked out of Hebrew school.

Leonard: Ahh, Sheldon's texting me to drive him to Bernadette's.
Penny: Well, what are you gonna say?
Leonard: Well, they did just introduce the middle finger emoji. If it's not for this, I don't know what it's for.

Bernadette: What do you want?
Sheldon: I just wish I could make Howard feel as angry as I'm feeling.
Bernadette: Well, maybe you could do something he likes and make him jealous.
Sheldon: Like what?
Bernadette: Have you ever read Tom Sawyer?
Sheldon: No.
Bernadette: Chores. He likes chores.
Sheldon: Ooh. What kind of chores?
Bernadette: Well, you could change the batteries in the smoke detectors. That would drive him crazy.
Sheldon: That's great. Oh, he'll be so mad smoke will be coming out of his ears. And then the smoke detectors will detect it.

Raj: I stopped by to see if you wanted to go to the movies with me.
Howard: Well, I'd love to, but we're just about to test the interface. It could take a while.
Raj: Okay, buddy, it-- it's not my place, but Bernadette's been feeling a little abandoned with all the hours that you've been putting in.
Amy: You just asked him to go to the movies.
Raj: Yeah, but our weird relationship was grandfathered into their marriage, and yours was not.

Raj: What are you talking about? Howard hates doing chores.
Sheldon: Wait, then why would Bernadette tell me that - (gasps) Bernadette. Did you play on my well established gullibility to clean your house?
Bernadette: Sure did.
Sheldon: Well, I would storm out of here, but I already have the gloves and the steel wool, and I really do love cleaning an oven.

Penny: Yeah, that is a good point. I'm really proud of the way you're able to express your feelings.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'm just so angry.
Penny: You know, everyone gets angry. Even mommies and daddies.

Bernadette: Howard's not here.
Raj: Oh, I know, he's been in the lab every night this week with his work wife.
Bernadette: That's weird, I thought his work wife was standing in my kitchen.

Leonard: Hey, what you reading?
Penny: A parenting book.
Leonard: Oh, my God. Are-are we?
Penny: Wha-- No! You think this is how I would tell you?
Leonard: Well (stammering) ... you're sitting there with a book. It felt like anything was possible.

Howard: She was talking about me, Sheldon. I'm perfectly qualified.
Bernadette: Yeah, Howie's the world's best engineer. It says so right on his coffee mug.
Penny: Aw, you got him a mug?
Raj: I did. But it's not a competition.
Bernadette: Yeah, I lost that battle years ago.