Sheldon: Oh, Stuart, good. I was wondering, will you be accepting Bitcoin?
Stuart: Well, I don't know what that is, but it's got "coin" in it, and my cash register doesn't, so yeah.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, what's going on?! Are you boys roughhousing?!
Howard: No, we're not roughhousing! We're scientists! Scientists don't roughhouse!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Excuse me, Mr. Grown-up!

Penny: Leonard thinks when we broke up, it didn't bother me.
Zack: That's crazy. When we were going out, she used to talk about you all the time. In fact, I think she only dated me because I reminded her of you.
Leonard: Sure. Because we're both people?
Zack: Damn right we are.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, I made cookies for you and your little friends!
Howard: They're not my little friends, and we don't want cookies!
Leonard: Actually, a cookie sounds good.
Howard: All right, we'll have cookies! Thank you very much!

Penny: It was a long time ago, we were broken up.
Raj: Which breakup was that? Was that the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre?
Howard: No, no. This might've been during the Comic-Con Dump-A-Thon.
Penny: You have names for our breakups?
Raj: Well, they would really blur together if we didn't.
Sheldon: The Comic-Con breakup's easy to remember because Leonard was the saddest Pikachu.
Amy: Right, and he wiped his nose on your cape, and then you were the saddest Darth Vader.

Leonard: So what are you gonna do with your share of the money?
Raj: Uh, well, as a responsible adult, I'll put that money into a CD, wait for that CD to mature, and then buy a tiger.

Leonard: How about you?
Howard: Oh, that depends on whether I tell Bernadette or not.
Bernadette: Howard, I can hear you. The baby monitor is on.
Howard: I know. I was joking. I'm gonna put it in a college fund. (Mimes saying no)

Raj: Wow, I-I know you were single back then, but that is a lot of porn-
Howard: Science! A lot of science.
Leonard: Wow, you were really into Asian science.

Raj: I'll buy some Bitcoin. I just came into a little extra money when my dad raised my allowance.
Sheldon: You don't have to buy Bitcoin. You can mine it.
Leonard: Mine it? Like, mining gold?
Sheldon: Sort of. There's a limited amount, and we find it not by tunneling into the earth, but by using a computer to solve complex mathematical problems.
Howard: So let me get this straight. We have to write an elaborate program in order to find a fake coin that we can't spend on anything?
Sheldon: Yes.
Howard: That sounds fun.
Raj: Yeah, I'm in.
Leonard: Staying up late, writing code, it sounds like a party.

Raj: Wait, what's Bitcoin?
Sheldon: It's a new online currency that's been developed. Uh, it's just like actual money, except you can't see it, hold it, or spend it on anything.
Stuart: Sounds like the kind of money I'm familiar with.

Leonard: Aw, man, what happened?
Howard: It crashed. It's been doing that lately. I think it's got a virus from all the music I've been downloading.
Raj: What kind of music?
Howard: Mostly Asian. Some oldies.

Leonard: That's right. It must be on my old laptop.
Raj: Well, let's go.
Howard: Hey, Bernie, you mind if I run to Leonard's and-
Bernadette: Get a laptop full of money? Why are you still here?! Go, go, go!

Leonard: You having a good day?
Penny: No, I missed an audition because my computer broke, and I didn't get the e-mail. Would've been a perfect part for me.
Sheldon: Was it waitress who ignores her customers? Because that's the role you were born to play.
Penny: Shut up and eat your burger.
Sheldon: Actually, it's a turkey club.
Penny: Didn't you order a burger?
Sheldon: I did, and yet here we are.

Penny: I'm so sorry to hear about you and Howard.
Bernadette: Thanks. I just didn't think he was the kind of guy who would be doing weird stuff online.
Penny: Really? Wow, I thought it was so obvious, but okay.

Penny: Look, I know it's hard, but I think the best thing to do after a breakup is to take some time and be by yourself.
Bernadette: Yeah, that's healthy.
Zack: Hey, babe, ready to go?
Penny: Do as I say, not as I do.

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Penny! *knock knock knock* Penny! *knock knock knock* Penny!
Penny: Sheldon, go away. I'm making a video.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back when you're alone.

Penny: I went out with him because he's great. And if I kept going out with him, I probably would've married him, and that's a little scary because I just don't think I'm ready for that. You know, plus I have got to learn how to spell Hofstadter. I-I know there's a "D" in there, but it keeps moving every time I try and write it.

Raj: What, y-you stole our Bitcoin?
Sheldon: Oh, calm down. All I did was sneak onto your computer and download your Bitcoin onto a flash drive.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I'm not keeping it. I just wanted to watch you sweat.
Howard: If you want to watch him sweat, walk up a flight of stairs with him.
Sheldon: I've waited seven long years, but it finally happened.
Leonard: Where's our money?
Sheldon: That's the best part. It's on the Batman flash drive on your key chain. You've had it in your pocket all along.
Leonard: Sheldon I lost that key chain years ago.
Sheldon: Really? D-D-Did you look under things?

Stuart: Huh. What's that? Ooh, Batman flash drive. Pretty cool. Huh, if I erase this, I could probably resell it for, like, ten bucks. Things are finally going my way.

Penny: I cannot believe you're mad.
Leonard: I'm not mad.
Penny: Oh, really? Tell that to your eyebrows. Bet I could place a quarter between them, and it would just stay there.

Howard: Do you think Zack stole it?
Penny: No, he doesn't know how to steal Bitcoin. I mean, he waves at trucks.

Penny: I thought you were looking at a cliff on the beach.
Amy: We were, but Sheldon didn't like any of them. Some were too beachy, some were too cliffy.
Sheldon: And all of them were too outsidey.

Penny: Well, weddings aren't about the location. They're about standing up in front of your family and friends and promising that Sheldon will never move back in here.

Penny: Oh, my God, that's right. You gave me your laptop. That was so sweet.
Leonard: So you know where it is?
Penny: Of course.
Leonard: Great!
Raj: All right!
Howard: Yes!
Penny: I gave it to my ex-boyfriend Zack.
Leonard: No!
Howard: Why?!
Raj: Come on!

Leonard: You know what, if you need a computer, you can use my laptop.
Penny: Oh, that's sweet, but I'm not gonna take your computer.
Leonard: Oh, it's fine. I-I'm getting a new one anyway.
Penny: Are you sure?
Sheldon: Don't be silly. He's desperate to hold on to you. You can get anything out of him. His car, his watch-
Howard: Maybe a kidney. You already have his testicles. You can start a collection.

Leonard: I can't believe you took a gift from me and gave it to another man.
Sheldon: Really? Of all the things she's given to other men, that's what you're concerned about?

Leonard: You know, Penny and I aren't the only ones who've broken up. So did Howard and Bernadette.
Raj: Uh, not to brag, but all my breakups have lasted.

Penny: What was that?
Amy: I need to prove to my mother that I'm on a date. If she thinks I faked the picture, I might need you as a witness. What's your name?
Penny: Bernadette.

Penny: You guys ready to order?
Amy: Can you take our picture, please?
Penny: Oh, sure. Smile! Perfect.
Amy: Thank you. (To her date) You may go now. It was nice to meet you, and I mean that politely, not sincerely.

Sheldon: Speaking of something I find interesting, did anyone read that article about Bitcoin I sent you?
Howard: Yeah, I can't believe a single Bitcoin is worth about $5,000 now.
Leonard: Wait, didn't we mine some a few years ago?
Sheldon: It was seven years ago.
Howard: Oh, yeah, I remember that.
Raj: Really? All I can remember from seven years ago is I couldn't get Kesha's "Tik Tok" out of my head.
"Tik Tok, on the clock" Whoa, welcome home, Kesha.

Penny: Hey. What are you guys doing?
Raj: Uh, we have a bunch of Bitcoin on an old laptop, and it could be worth, like, a lot of money.
Penny: What-- You're kidding.
Leonard: No. We-we could be sitting on a fortune.
Penny: Okay, let the record show, I did not marry you for money, but you just got way more attractive.

Penny: Hello, Leonard. I was gonna write you an e-mail, but I'm a little drunk, and spelling is a sober person's game, so I feel I owe you a 'splanation. I-- I'm sorry. A 'splanation.

Sheldon: Oh please, I have grudges that go back to preschool. Someday, I'm gonna find a grown-up Elaine Dwyer and eat her favorite crayon while she watches.
Amy: Is that why there's an Elaine Dwyer on our guest list?
Sheldon: Yes. That night, I'm going to have the first dance and the last laugh.

Leonard: If it's not tangible, how do you know it's not just gonna vanish tomorrow?
Howard: Really? You're dating Penny, and you're gonna poke at something that could vanish tomorrow?

Raj: Mining for coins sounds so manly. Ooh, we should sing a mining song.
Leonard: Do you know a mining song?
Raj: I don't know. Does "Tik Tok" by Kesha count? Because it has tunneled its way into my heart.

Raj: Hey, Stuart. You want to mine some Bitcoin with us? We'll write the program, you bring the snacks?
Stuart: Too rich for my blood.

Leonard: Oh, yeah. We did it without you.
Sheldon: And do you remember what happened next?
Howard: Your mom called my mom and said we were being mean?
Sheldon: And after that?
Howard: You said that someday we'd regret this.
Sheldon: And do you know what today is?
Leonard: The day we found out we're rich and none of it is yours? (Leonard, Howard and Raj high-five)

Sheldon: Hmm who could it have been?
Amy: Sheldon, what did you do?
Sheldon: I plotted my revenge. If you get a dish, I'll serve you some cold.

Leonard: Fine, I'm mad. I guess I was more upset by our breakup than you.
Penny: That is not true. Of course I was upset.
Leonard: Didn't seem like it. You started dating the first tall, handsome hunk you could find.
Penny: I'm sorry, are you mad that I dated Zack or that you didn't?

Leonard: No, we-we definitely mined some. I-I remember sitting in your bedroom and writing the program.
I think we ended up with a bunch of it.
Raj: Wow, and at, like, $5,000 apiece, that's-
Stuart: Sounds like a lot of money, which we agreed to share 'cause I-I was totally there. I remember now.

Sheldon: Before we begin, this may have some unprecedented tax implications. In fact, we should start early 'cause we are gonna be on the phone with the IRS for hours. (gasps) Did anybody else just get goose bumps?
Leonard: Great, so just the three of us.

Sheldon: Well, that is unfortunate. I guess we've all learned a lesson today.
Amy: What was the lesson?
Sheldon: I don't know.

Leonard: Hey, when we sell the Bitcoin, are you gonna pay your dad back all the money you took from him over the years?
Raj: Never even crossed my mind.

Leonard: Aw, you love me so much.
Penny: I married you, jackass.
Leonard: I I know, and not just out of pity like everyone said in their wedding toast.

Penny: Sheldon, what do I do?
Sheldon: Try to pass out facedown, so you don't choke on your vomit.
Penny: I am not gonna pass out. But thank you anyway.

Penny: No, no, no. I am alone. I'm just telling Leonard why I broke up with him.
Sheldon: Oh, he knows. The video I want to see is why you went out with him in the first place.

Zack: Are you guys fighting?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: No.
Zack: Are you fighting about whether or not you're fighting? 'Cause I've had that fight before. Turns out we were, and I lost.

Zack: So good to see you guys. Man, we should do this more often.
Penny: Come over to get laptops back from you?
Zack: Totally.

Leonard: Sheldon, please.
Sheldon: Should I be the bigger man?
Amy: I think you should.
Sheldon: (snorts) Oh, why'd I ask you?

Penny: Hey, sweetie.
Leonard: Hey.
Penny: Everybody good?
Leonard: Yeah.
Howard: Fine.
Sheldon: Sure.
(Raj whispers to Howard)
Howard: You don't have to whisper, you can just nod your head.
Penny: Or you could just speak.
(Raj shakes his head)

Raj: Why are they making four more Avatar movies? It's not like the first one is even that good.
Leonard: What are you talking about? You love that movie. You even went as Avatar for Halloween.
Howard: I remember. That was not a lot of clothes.

Raj: I can't believe you haven't seen Avatar yet. What is wrong with you?
Leonard: Penny and I just started dating, and you know I don't like big crowds.
Raj: Because you're afraid Penny will leave you for someone in them?
Leonard: Terrified.

Sheldon: Yes, instead of going out, they just stay home and have constant coitus.
Leonard: Well, I didn't want to say it, but I-I do like to hear it.

Stuart: I'm, uh, I'm running a special today, uh, buy something, keep having a comic book store to come to.

Leonard: I can't believe we forgot about it.
Howard: It's not that surprising. They were basically worthless when we got them.
Leonard: I wish I knew how much we had.
Raj: Sheldon, you must remember.
Sheldon: Of course I do.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, he and I totally remember. You tell them, Sheldon.

Zack: Oh, also, there was that video about how much she missed you.
Penny: What video?
Zack: The one on the laptop. I didn't mean to invade your privacy, but I am a huge snoop. Ask my neighbor. She'll tell you. But not right now; she's in the shower.

Leonard: So do you have it?
Zack: Of course I do. Penny gave it to me as a gift. You don't get rid of something like that.

Leonard: Maybe we should double date. I'll bring Penny and you can bring your mom.
Howard: Oh, make your jokes, but my date started a savings account for me. Did yours?

Raj: This is awkward. I was actually gonna return this.
Stuart: What's wrong with it?
Raj: I-I finished it.