Bernadette: Look, it's only a spray tan. It'll fade in a couple days. Why don't you cancel the date and reschedule?
Stuart: Oh, but I was really looking forward to tonight.
Bernadette: You know what? Then go. Tell her what happened. Maybe she'll be flattered.
Howard: And if not, swing by the chocolate factory and see if they're hiring. That wasn't a joke. That was a legitimate suggestion.

Raj: I know that, but I can't do this on my own. I need your help.
Dr. Koothrappali: (sighs) Well, then, I'm going to need your help, too. If I'm going to find a woman to set you up with, you're going to need to stop Instagramming pictures of you and your dog wearing matching sweaters.
Raj: Fine, if that's what it takes to show you that I'm serious. Uh, quick question. Do you mean just Instagram, or all my social?
Dr. Koothrappali: All of them!
Raj: Okay, deal.

Raj: Well, I haven't met her yet, but her name is Anu. My father says she comes from a good family. She's in her 30s. She works in hospitality management. So, as long as I can get through six to ten dates without revealing my true self this is happening.

Sheldon: I know just what we're giving them for a wedding gift.

Denise: Oh. Oh, my God.
Stuart: Yeah. I wanted to look my best for our date, and I made a series of bad decisions one of which is hidden by my pants.

Sheldon: But I think, by the end of the honeymoon, we really started to feel like a married couple.
Amy: But the good kind, like on TV, not like my parents.

Howard: You're not a real married couple until you can pee with the door open and she's okay with it.
Bernadette: I told you, I'm not okay with it.
Howard: She loves it.

Bernadette: "I heart New York." Aw, the baby's gonna love throwing up on this.

Penny: Well, guys, that was very, very thoughtful of you. Did you get me a double XL?
Amy: I told you.
Sheldon: You were right, dear.

Amy: Oh. Isn't this nice?
Sheldon: What is it?
Amy: You know, it's, uh, it's one of those- Nope, doesn't do that.
Sheldon: Oh, maybe it's candy. Lick it.
Amy: I don't want to lick it. You lick it.
Sheldon: I'm not gonna lick it. I just brushed my teeth.

Howard: What is wrong with Stuart's face?
Raj: I think he's smiling.

Howard: Oh, my God, are they flirting?
Raj: Oh, they're way past flirting. I caught them making out at Sheldon's wedding.
Howard: Are you sure she wasn't trying to breathe life back into him?
Raj: I don't think so. When I used that much tongue at CPR training, I had to buy the dummy.

Howard: So, what's her deal? Is she into you or does she just hate her parents?

Stuart: We kissed a little at the wedding, and it was great. But we haven't really talked about it since then. So I-I don't know how she feels about me.
Howard: Well, she patted you on the head, so I'm guessing she feels like you're such a good boy!

Amy: Maybe we're trying too hard. Maybe it's something simple.
Sheldon: (gasps) Like Leonard and Penny. Yes, good.