Bernadette: You okay? You seem distracted.
Howard: I'm just thinking about Raj.
Bernadette: I'm thinking about Chris Hemsworth.

Raj: Recently, 12 new moons were discovered orbiting Jupiter, bringing the total up to 79.
As a middle child myself, I'd like to extend my sympathies to moons two through 78. Your grandpa will never learn your name. I'd like to thank you for joining me on this journey through the stars. If you enjoyed this lecture, please come back Thursday for the exact same one.

Raj: I came here for your support.
Leonard: Well, then, you just walked up three flights of stairs for nothing.
Penny: Wait, don't you mean four flights?
Leonard: No, it's actually three.
Penny: But we're on the fourth floor. I mean, you have the lobby, first floor, second, third, fourth.
Leonard: The lobby's the first floor, so lobby, second, third, fourth.
Penny: That does not seem right.

Sheldon: I'm having a problem in my marriage. I've upset my wife and I don't know how to make it right.
Professor Proton: (chuckles) And you're and you're coming to me for advice? I-I upset my wife every time I woke up in the morning.

Sheldon: Oh, good, we caught you.
President Siebert: Yes, good.

Penny: So when was the last time you saw Howard in his astronaut uniform?
Bernadette: About a week ago.
Penny: Really? What was the occasion?
Bernadette: Date night. We do a little role-playing.
Penny: What role do you play?
Bernadette: (Russian accent) I am Ykatarina Nazdorovya, lonely Russian cosmonaut who is expert at physics and making love.
Penny: Okay, that just made the next hour really weird.

Raj: And we are fortunate to have one of those men here with us tonight. Please welcome to the Griffith Observatory astronaut Howard Joel Wolowitz.
Bernadette: [fanning herself with the program] Kak horosho.
Leonard: What is she ta-
Penny: Don't ask.

Raj: Good evening, I am Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali, and usually I take you on a trip through the stars, but tonight, we'll begin our journey much closer to home, 220 miles straight up to the International Space Station, which is manned by a team of brave men and women.
Bernadette: (Russian accent) Flexible men and women.
Penny: [to Leonard] Switch with me.

Amy: You got me removed from my own project?
Sheldon: Yeah, and it wasn't easy. Apparently, you're very difficult to replace. Hey, just between you and me, they consider Dr. Park quite the step down.
Dr. Park: I was trying to pick my moment to leave. This seems like it.
Sheldon: Wow. Banker's hours. No wonder you're not on the tenure track.

Amy: Sheldon, you had no right.
Sheldon: What- I thought you said you were spread too thin. You said that you wished you had more time to focus on our research. I thought I was helping.
Amy: Well, you're not. I mean, I have years invested in this work, and now someone's gonna come in and take it over? I mean, how would you feel if I let Leonard take over your super-asymmetry project?
Sheldon: (laughs) That's funny. Oh, he'd be like a puppy with a microscope.

Raj: Hey.
Leonard: Hey.
Raj: I brought Chinese.
Penny: Oh, that's a nice surprise. What's the occasion?
Raj: Please, I don't need a reason to bring food to my friends.
Leonard: But you have one, don't you?
Raj: Yeah, I need your help.

Raj: So, I folded, and I told Howard he could be a part of my planetarium show. And now I'm worried he's just gonna make the whole thing about himself.
Penny: So just tell him you changed your mind and you don't want him to do it.
Raj: No, no, then he's gonna think I'm too insecure to share the spotlight with him.
Leonard: And he'd be right.

Leonard: Hey, Raj, if I had a nickel for every time a charity sent me a nickel.
Raj: ... That's hilarious!
Leonard: I know.

[Penny arrives back in the apartment, out of breath]
Leonard: It's three, right?
Penny: Just shut up.

Amy: You had no right to reassign my project.
Sheldon: Yeah, no right at all.
President Siebert: Dr. Fowler, I don't understand. Dr. Cooper assured me this is what you wanted.
Sheldon: Oh-oh! Can you believe this guy? Oh, sure, so a couple of men get together behind closed doors to decide the fate of a woman's career. I thought we'd moved past this.

Amy: Sheldon, this is your fault.
Sheldon: Ooh, sounds like the old lady's putting me in the doghouse tonight.

President Siebert: Dr. Fowler, you are very important to this university and I would like to sincerely apologize.
Amy: So I can have my project back?
President Siebert: I'm afraid it's not that simple.
Amy: Why not?
President Siebert: Well, in order to free up personnel-
Sheldon: Hey, hey, don't go mansplaining things to her.
Amy: I don't think that's what he was doing.
Sheldon: Oh, then perhaps you don't understand. See, mansplaining is when a man explains things to a woman like she's stupid. Boop.

Sheldon: Oh, Amy, there you are.
Amy: No, not- Not now, Sheldon, I'm dealing with an epic screwup, and when I find out who's responsible, they're gonna get an earful.
Sheldon: All right, well, when you're done, let me know, I've got some exciting news.
Dr. Park: I'm sorry, I'm confused. President Siebert said you were focusing on some important physics work and I should take over your lab in the interim.
Sheldon: Uh, hey, that was my exciting news. All right, I'm gonna tell you again. Pretend you haven't heard it.

Howard: Thank you, Raj, that was a really nice introduction.
Raj: Well, it's from my heart. So, Howard, you are in an elite group. Only 232 people have ever been on the International Space Station. How does that make you feel?
Howard: Honestly, lucky. Most astronauts have to train their whole lives. I was just in the right place at the right time.
Raj: Oh, please, luck had nothing to do with it. You people need to know how impressive this man is. He was up there because he's the only one qualified to install a piece of equipment that he designed.
Howard: Thanks, but if you want to talk impressive, this guy right here discovered a planetary object outside the Kuiper belt.
Raj: He worked on the Mars rover.
Howard: He helped launch the New Horizons space probe.
Raj: He went to space on a Russian rocket.
Howard: And I was scared the whole time.
Raj: And I was scared for you, but also proud.
Howard: Wow. I don't think you've ever said that to me before.
Raj: I should have, and I'm gonna say it again. I'm proud of you. You're my best friend, and I love you.
Howard: Aw, Raj, I love you, too.
Bernadette: What is happening?
Raj: Bring it in, spaceman, you've been cleared for landing.

Bernadette: Can you believe these two?
Leonard: (crying)
Bernadette: Are you crying?

Professor Proton: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Arthur. Now, I'm confused, usually when you appear to me in my dreams, we're on the planet Dagobah.
Professor Proton: This is Dagobah.
Sheldon: I didn't know that Dagobah had delicatessens.
Professor Proton: Not good ones. Whatever you do, don't order the Reuben.

Sheldon: I'm not coming to you, you're just a manifestation of my subconscious. I mean, I'm actually coming to me.
Professor Proton: So you know everything I'm going to say.
Sheldon: Yes, but it sounds wiser from you because you're old and glowing.

Professor Proton: Rule number one in a marriage: don't go to bed angry.
Sheldon: That makes sense.
Professor Proton: Rule number two in a marriage: if you don't recognize the shoes under your bed, they're not your shoes.
Sheldon: Because they're her shoes?
Professor Proton: (sighs) N-Never mind, just-just go with rule number one.
Sheldon: Thank you, Arthur.
Professor Proton: Uh, before you go, can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Of course.
Professor Proton: Does this look lean to you? I ordered lean.

Sheldon: Amy. Wake up. Amy.
Amy: What? What's wrong?
Sheldon: We can't go to sleep angry with each other.
Amy: Why not?
Sheldon: It's rule number one. I'd tell you rule number two, but it's confusing.

Amy: Sheldon, go to sleep.
Sheldon: Amy. [tapping her three times] Amy. [tapping her three times] Amy. [tapping her three times]
Amy: You cut that out!
Sheldon: Oh, good, you're up.

Sheldon: No, Professor Proton came to me in my dream and said we can't go to sleep angry.
Amy: Are you sure that's what he said? Close your eyes, double-check.

Amy: Okay, listen to me. I love working with you, but you have to understand how scary this is for me.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: Because I don't want to get lost in this relationship. And when you pulled me off my project, it seemed like my biggest fear was coming true, the-the things that are mine are getting subsumed into the things that are ours.
Sheldon: I wouldn't want that to happen, either. Thank you for explaining, and for using the word "subsume," that's one you don't hear enough.

Amy: What are you doing now?
Sheldon: Looking for shoes.
Amy: Why?
Sheldon: When your favorite ghost tells you to do something, you do it.

Sheldon: The fundamental problem with elementary quantum mechanical formalism is that the Fourier transform extends to minus infinity in time.
Penny: Hey, don't dumb this down for me.

Howard: Do I look like I just woke up?
Leonard: No.
Howard: Great. I'm gonna go say hey to Raj.

Leonard: What were you guys giggling about?
Penny: They were passing notes to each other.
Leonard: Oh-ho, love notes?
Penny: If you love math.
Sheldon: And we do.
Amy: It's for our super-asymmetry theory.
Sheldon: Yeah, Amy and I have been having so much fun collaborating together.
Penny: Well, you know what they say, you never collaborate as much as your first year of marriage.

Raj: Oh, Howard, uh, this is Andrea. She's the director of the planetarium.
Andrea: Hi.
Howard: Nice to meet you. I'm Howard Wolowitz. Engineer, husband, father, astronaut.
Andrea: Really? You're an astronaut?
Howard: Well, I don't like to brag.
Raj: Hmm, yeah, but somehow, you manage.

Andrea: Raj, you should have Howard join you for one of your shows.
Howard: Oh, that might be fun.
Raj: It might be, but with two small children at home and a full-time job, I'm sure you're too busy.
Howard: No, I could find the time.
Raj: Well, you don't have to decide right now.
Howard: It's okay, I-
Raj: He can't do it.

Sheldon: Hey, hurry up, guys. The gift shop's closing, and Amy said I can get one big thing or two little things.

Amy: So I'm gonna place the sensory isolation helmet on you for about five minutes. All you need to do is sit still and relax.
Colin: What do I do if I start to get claustrophobic?
Amy: Oh, the helmet will sense that and stop the experiment.
Colin: Really?
Amy: No, but that would be cool, wouldn't it?

Sheldon: Amy, are you busy?
Amy: I've got a subject wired up for a sensory study.
Sheldon: So...?
Amy: Yes, I'm busy.

Amy: I'm tracking a subject's brain activity in real time as we introduce olfactory stimuli.
Colin: I'm smelling baby powder.
Amy: That's just my husband.

Amy: Well, I want to see it, but not when I'm in the middle of an experiment.
Colin: Still baby powder!
Sheldon: Boy, he is annoying. Do any of those buttons shock him?

Amy: Look, I'm really excited about our paper, too, but I've got a lot of my own work to catch up on, so let's talk later.
Sheldon: Okay, I'll just say one more thing: lambda calculus. And if that wets your whistle, you know where to find me. Boop.

Howard: He sort of hurt my feelings.
Bernadette: Biceps, hammer, abs. Still in it.
Howard: Why wouldn't he want me to be in his planetarium show?
Bernadette: And it's gone.

Howard: Sorry, it's just the director of the planetarium thought it'd be fun for me to join Raj for one of his shows, and he made it clear that he didn't want me to.
Bernadette: Of course he wouldn't want you to. I mean, think about it. If you were him, would you want to share the stage with a sexy-ass astronaut?
Howard: I don't know. How sexy are we talking?
Bernadette: Oh, you know, tight pants, huge biceps, magic hammer.
Howard: Wait, who are we talk-
Bernadette: Shh, I'm back in it.

Amy: Dr. Park, may I help you?
Dr. Park: Actually, yes, do you have any better notes on this project? I'm having a hard time reading your handwriting.
Amy: Oh, uh, allow me to rephrase that. What the hell are you doing in my lab?

Leonard: Oh, Sheldon. Didn't see you there. What's up?
Penny: Well, uh, he was excited to talk science with Amy, but she was working late, so he decided to come over and share it with me. With me, Leonard. With me.

Leonard: Sheldon, we've talked about this. You can't go around boring other people's wives.
Penny: Yeah. I already got a man for that.
Leonard: Yeah, you do.

Sheldon: It's just, I've just been enjoying my collaboration with Amy, but ever since we got back from our honeymoon, she has so little time.
Leonard: Well, she does have her own job.
Sheldon: Yeah, but it's so dull. Trying to understand how the brain translates the five senses into biochemical information. I'd rather wait in line without my phone.

Penny: Okay, well, Leonard's here now. You can talk science with him.
Leonard: Where you going?
Penny: Oh, that thing you were late for. One of us should really be there.

Howard: I just want to let you know I get why you don't want me to be a part of the planetarium show.
Raj: Oh, great. Thanks for stopping by.
Howard: You don't want to talk about the stars next to an actual astronaut. That would be like doing karaoke with a rock star.
Raj: First of all, I've totally done karaoke with a rock star. Or are you forgetting when the Spin Doctors handed me the mic at the Orange County Fair?

Howard: Listen, I understand you being intimidated, but I can't help that I'm proud of being an astronaut. It's a big deal.
Raj: Oh, it certainly is, but I also happen to be very accomplished in my field.
Howard: Great. So you have no reason to be scared of sharing the spotlight.
Raj: Please. I may be scared of heights and spiders and showing up at a costume party that turns out to be a regular party, but I am not scared of sharing the spotlight with you! [Raj walks out, and then reappears]
Howard: What's happening?
Raj: I just stormed out for dramatic effect. I- Actually, I don't have anywhere to go.

Sheldon: President Siebert, how much do you know about physics?
President Siebert: I'm a physicist.
Sheldon: Huh. I would not have guessed that.
President Siebert: I have a doctorate from Indiana University.
Sheldon: Oh, that makes more sense. Well, don't worry, I'll go slow.
President Siebert: Thank you.

Sheldon: Dr. Fowler and I have been working on a theory of super-asymmetry that could reconcile the lack of observation of supersymmetry in a world still governed by string theory.
President Siebert: Interesting. So you're taking the paradigms of supersymmetry, but removing the limitations of obeying the Poincare algebra.
Sheldon: Well, aren't you just the pride of Bloomington?

President Siebert: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Dr. Fowler has found herself distracted by the commitments in her own lab. It would be a great help to both of us if you could free her up from her other projects.
President Siebert: I'm confused.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, there's that Indiana.

President Siebert: This is physics research. Dr. Fowler's a neuroscientist.
Sheldon: Yes, but her insights into the very ways we conceptualize symmetry and asymmetry have been invaluable.
President Siebert: Dr. Cooper-
Sheldon: Look, I know what you're thinking, that "they're newlyweds, how are they gonna keep their hands off of each other?" Let me assure you, we will not engage in workplace coitus. Okay, if I won't put a bagel on my desk, I'm certainly not putting Amy's bare bottom.

President Siebert: I must say, I do not enjoy our talks.

Leonard: If I had a nickel for every time a charity sent me a nickel.
Penny: Really? That's gonna be our whole life, huh?
Leonard: If my father's any guide, around 50, I start to lose my hearing and get two new jokes.