<< Return to the episode guide

Quotes from ‘The Citation Negation’

The Citation Negation

The Citation Negation
Season 12, Episode 9 - Aired November 15, 2018

When Sheldon and Amy ask Leonard to gather citations for their super-asymmetry paper, they are devastated when he finds a Russian paper which disproves their theory. Meanwhile, when Bernadette wants to beat Howard at Fortnite, she turns to Denise for a gaming lesson.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: You realize we still have a lot of work to do before we can publish.
Sheldon: Perhaps we should divide and conquer. Now, you track down all the citations and properly note them in our bibliography, and I will roll up my sleeves and decide what font we want to use.
Amy: Sheldon, there are hundreds of citations to track down.
Sheldon: And thousands of fonts, but you don't hear me complaining.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: I suppose you're wondering why I put you through all this.
Leonard: You mean the last two minutes or the last 20 years?

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: You know we're almost finished with our paper; we just need help tracking down the citations.
Leonard: That's busywork. Can't you just get a grad student to do it?
Amy: No, this paper is incredibly important to us, and we need someone we can trust.
Please, it would mean a lot.
Leonard: You know what? Sure. The three of us in the library looking up old papers, that actually could be kind of fun.
Sheldon: Oh, no, we won't be there.
Leonard: It just got more fun.

Bernadette: Hey, Denise. Is Stuart here?
Denise: Oh, no. Doctor's appointment.
Bernadette: Oh, is he okay?
Denise: Not since I've known him.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, hey, Leonard. Is the podcast too loud
Leonard: I didn't hear a podcast.
Amy: I told you no one could hear it.
Sheldon: Well, I heard Ira Glass, so he's either in your earbuds or clinging to the ceiling like a gecko.

Denise: Okay, so walk up to that chest and push X. X. Push X.
Bernadette: Which one's X?
Denise: The one with the X on it.
Bernadette: Take it easy, I'm new at this.
Denise: What, the alphabet?

Quote from Penny

Penny: So neither of them showed up for work today?
Leonard: No, I tried calling and no one picked up.
Penny: Look, I'm sure they're fine. They were probably up all night coming up with a new theory.
Leonard: I also texted to see if he wanted to go to the new Fantastic Beasts movie and he didn't respond.
Penny: All right, well, they're already dead. There's nothing we can do.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Sheldon, do you want to put the tables after each section or in an appendix at the end?
Sheldon: You know what? We wrote this paper together. I think we should decide together that they go in an appendix at the end.
Amy: How about that? There is an "I" in "team.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Look at what we made.
Sheldon: I know. It really is the best of both of us. It's got my math and your sassy takedown of the fundamental nature of symmetry. It's got my bottomless intellectual curiosity and your petulant refusal to spell "grey" with an "a" like an American.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: The point is, we can't afford to have this paper leaked before we're ready to publish. That's how you kiss the Nobel Prize good-bye instead of hello as I intend to do.
Amy: I assume you mean metaphorically.
Sheldon: Absolutely not. If the King of Sweden hands me a medal, I intend to smear it with Purell and then kiss it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Leonard, I need to tell you something. I'm having an affair.
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: You have to swear not to tell anybody.
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: You are the only one who knows. Uh, well, you and Rita, the cafeteria lady who has been giving me more than Tater Tots.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: What did he want?
Leonard: Oh, nothing. He just concocted some stupid test to see if I can keep a secret.
Penny: Ooh, what's the secret?
Leonard: I'm not gonna tell you that. The test is stupid, but I still want to pass.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Well, I am shocked, Sheldon, because I totally believed that the woman you reported for being stingy with the peas couldn't keep her hands off you.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: Well, I am a little hurt that you weren't gonna tell me my husband was having an affair. I thought we were friends.
Leonard: I didn't really believe him.
Amy: Why not? You don't think other women find him attractive?
Leonard: (laughing) No.

Quote from Raj

Bernadette: What you playing?
Howard: Fortnite. A bunch of people parachute onto an island and fight it out to be the last man standing.
Bernadette: Like Hunger Games?
Raj: More like Bachelor in Paradise, but not as cutthroat.

Quote from Howard

Howard: This one's how you move, this is how you shoot. "A" jumps, "B" puts you into build mode.
Raj: And depending on what you want to build, you can use LB, RB, LT, or RT.
Bernadette: Just put me in, I'll figure it out.
Howard: Oh, sounds like me on our honeymoon.
Raj: Okay, you're skydiving down. You're almost to the ground. Now, when you land, you're gonna want- (gunfire) Okay, you're dead.
Bernadette: Wait, that's it? That wasn't fun at all.
Howard: Oh, now it sounds like you on our honeymoon.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Hey, ready for lunch?
Bernadette: Hang on.
Penny: Really, video games? Is this some sort of Freaky Friday thing where you're actually Howard?
Bernadette: Please, if I were Howard, I'd be doing this. [looks down at her breasts] You know what? He's not wrong.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: All right, great, can we go?
Bernadette: In a minute. I want to show Howard I can play this game.
Penny: You know, you make a lot more money than he does. Can't you just rub his nose in that?
Bernadette: I can, but I want to rub his nose in this.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Okay, this citation is correct. How you doing?
Leonard: Pretty good. I'm just looking through "The Effect of High Energy Muons on Proton Pion Scattering at the National Accelerator-" (inhales) "-Laboratory."
Raj: Hey, should we take a break?
Leonard: No, this actually makes it more exciting. We have to get through all of this before I run out of this.
Raj: It's like the movie Speed, but instead of a bus, it's your lungs. And instead of Sandra Bullock, it has sadness.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: Why did you pull this Russian paper?
Raj: Oh, it was cited in this paper over here, so I thought we should check it out.
Leonard: Mm, it's not translated. Maybe we should talk to Howard; his Russian's pretty good.
Raj: We don't need Howard. I've got Google Translate. Okay, here we go, from Russian to English. "Examinations of moose chowder in lemon parachutes." Yeah, okay, now I know why this app is free.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Oh, gosh, my Russian's a little rusty.
Raj: If it helps, this word may be "moose."

Quote from Howard

Howard: This paper is called "Examinations of a Super-Asymmetric Model of the Universe" by Dr. Vasily Gregora-poli-popivich.
Leonard: W-Wait, so Amy and Sheldon weren't the first to think of super-asymmetry?
Howard: No, doesn't look like it. This is from 1978.
Leonard: Okay, well, they might need to rename their theory "The Cooper-Fowler Gregora-poli-popivich Theory."
Howard: Kind of rolls right off your tongue, doesn't it?

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Sheldon is not gonna be happy about this.
Howard: Well, he's gonna be less happy about this: "The super-asymmetric model is inherently flawed and does not bear the weight of further examination."
Leonard: Hmm. So this disproves their theory?
Howard: Sounds like it.
Leonard: Oh, how are we gonna tell him?
Howard: That's easy. Just go up to him and say, "Sheldon, Raj has something to tell you."

Bernadette: Which brings up an interesting question. You and Stuart. Why?
Denise: I don't know. My parents owned a funeral home. Read into that what you will.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Is everything okay?
Leonard: No, I found a paper that proves their theory wrong. They thought this was gonna be their Nobel Prize. It's gonna break his heart.
Penny: Oh, man. Maybe leave an anonymous note, you know, like in high school, when you want to let your best friend know that her boyfriend's cheating on her.
Leonard: Why wouldn't you just tell her that?
Penny: I don't know. Maybe you had a hickey.
Leonard: Isn't it better to get bad news from a friend?
Penny: Trust me, it's not. I went to prom with a hickey and a black eye.

Bernadette: You don't have to be snarky.
Denise: Hey, do you want to play the game, or do you want to crawl back up your mommy's shirt and chow down like a baby?
Bernadette: Damn, what is wrong with you?
Denise: I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to beat your husband.
Bernadette: I do.
Denise: Well, then suck it up!

Quote from Amy

Amy: Can I do anything?
Sheldon: No.
Amy: I can make you some tea, I could sing "Soft Kitty"-
Sheldon: I don't understand how you're not more upset by this. This is your paper, too.
Amy: I am upset, Sheldon. I'm just trying to hold it together for you. Like when that goose wouldn't leave us alone at brunch.
Sheldon: That thing scared you, too?
Amy: Well, of course it did. I was wearing a down jacket.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Is there anything we can do?
Sheldon: No. Yeah-- wait. Do I smell Siam Palace?
Leonard: Oh, yeah, it's our dinner. I mean, it's your dinner.
Sheldon: Any mango sticky rice?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: And the blows keep coming.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I am not gonna spend weeks in a library looking up old papers. Can't we hire a grad student to do it?
Sheldon: A grad student? I am not trusting our unpublished paper to some millennial. They'll put unicorn emojis on it and then post it on social media.
Amy: Why would they do that?
Sheldon: Economic anxiety, too much avocado toast, who cares?

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: But what if we ask one of our friends to help us out? How about Leonard?
Sheldon: Gee, I don't know. Can we trust him?
Amy: He's your best friend in the whole world.
Sheldon: Yes, but he's always struck me as the guy in the plane crash who doesn't wait until you're all the way dead to eat you.
Amy: I think you can trust him.
Sheldon: Oh, Amy, you never lose that childlike innocence.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Congratulations, Leonard, you passed my secret loyalty test. The truth is, I was never having an affair with the cafeteria lady. There's only one woman who gets to touch my no-no parts, and she's right here.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: No, no.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Bam, took him out. (chuckles) Now I'm doing a victory dance to celebrate. Where are you?
Howard: About to shoot some dancing jackass.
Raj: Hey!
Howard: And now I'm doing a victory dance.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Sounds fun. Can I play?
Howard: I don't know if you'd like it. It's kind of for gamers.
Bernadette: Hey, I'm a gamer. I play Candy Crush, Bejeweled, and Sesame Street Letter School, which I beat our daughter at every single time.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Thanks for helping with this.
Raj: What are friends for?
Leonard: My friend sent me down to this basement to do his grunt work, so I wouldn't know.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Hey, probably shouldn't say anything, but did you hear about Sheldon and the lunch lady?
Leonard: Yeah, uh, that's not true. That's just something Sheldon made up to test us.
Raj: I wish I'd known that before I called her a floozy in front of the whole lunch line.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: This is a list of the papers we need to pull. Why don't we split up? You take half, I take half.
Raj: I don't know, it's pretty creepy down here. Maybe we should stay together.
Leonard: Come on, Raj, it's just a library.
Raj: You could say that about anything. It's just a cemetery. It's just a haunted house.
It's just a portal to hell.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Fine, how about we split up but we stay in constant communication with each other?
Raj: Yeah, thank you. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: (Leonard gasps) Oh, God! Too much dust.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Why do I have to tell him?
Leonard: You did find it.
Raj: But he's the one who translated it.
Leonard: Okay, okay, how about this? We all tell him.
Howard: Or even better: you tell him.
Raj: Yeah, that makes the most sense.
Leonard: You guys are such cowards.
Howard: Yes, we are.

Denise: What can I help you with?
Bernadette: I was hoping Stuart could show me how to play Fortnite.
Denise: Mm, I can teach you.
Bernadette: Really, you good?
Denise: Look at my skin. I haven't been outside in six years.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: So you'll coach me?
Denise: Sure. Now let me ask you a question. Howard. Why?
Bernadette: You got eyes. What do you think?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Come on, knock on the door. You can do this.
Leonard: All right, a-all right, here I go.
Penny: Oh, wait, just let me get inside.
Leonard: Why?
Penny: "Why"? Come on.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, I don't need you to pretend to be okay for me. If anything, that makes it worse.
Amy: Fine. I'm not okay. We came up with this idea at our wedding. We poured months of our lives into it. I thought we were changing the course of science, and now it's all gone. I'm devastated.
Sheldon: I was wrong, that makes it worse. Go back to being happy.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Hey, guys.
Howard: Hey.
Raj: Hey.
Bernadette: You, uh, playing that, what's it called again? Fortnow?
Raj: Fortnite.
Bernadette: Right. I guess I forgot 'cause I only played it that one time and I was so bad at it.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Would you mind if I gave it another shot?
Raj: Mm, maybe later, Bern-
Bernadette: Give me. Where are you, Howard, where are you? Let me just build a little ramp, get some height.
Raj: You want to press B to go into build-- oh, wow, you already did it.
Bernadette: Did I? I'm just hitting buttons. Wee!
Howard: I see your ramp. I'm coming for you.
Bernadette: You can try, but (explosion sound effect)-
Howard: Gotcha. (chuckles)
Bernadette: Son of a bitch.
Howard: Want to play again?
Bernadette: No! Howard.
Howard: What?
Bernadette: I make more money than you.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You got yourself a good one there, buddy.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Hey, you guys look all comfy. Did-did you take the day off?
Amy: It's Saturday.
Leonard: No, it's not.
Sheldon: Great, another thing we're wrong about. How many does that make, Amy?
Amy: Two.
Sheldon: Two things. What happened to us?
Amy: I'll tell you what happened. Professor Gregoropovich.
Leonard: I-I think it's Gregora-poli-popivich, but-
Amy: Three.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Look, you guys, you had a, you had a setback, you know? This is the time you got to dig in and-and try harder. It's like halftime and you're down by seven.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Penny: All right, it's-it's like Bat-halftime and you're down by Bat-seven.

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: I see you. I see you and boom. (explosion sound effect) Gotcha! How's it feel, Penny?
Penny: Like I don't care at all.

< Return to the episode guide