Sheldon: So I was talking to my mom about our Pemberton and Campbell situation.
Amy: Really? What'd she say?
Sheldon: Apparently, Old Testament God would bring down his wrath on them for being deceitful, but New Testament God would forgive them.
Amy: So couldn't we just bring down our wrath and ask the New Testament God to forgive us?
Sheldon: You know, I asked her that very question.
Amy: And?
Sheldon: She said I was full of California sass.

Sheldon: Are you all right? You seem distracted.
Amy: Yeah, sorry. I'm just trying to figure something out.
Sheldon: Is it what to get me for our anniversary? 'Cause I'll give you a hint: it's already in my Amazon basket. Just click "buy now." I filled out the gift card for you. Apparently, I'm the light of your life.

Barry Kripke: Oh God, I hate that guy.
Sheldon: That's strange; you seem quite fond of him.
Barry Kripke: I was only being polite. Pemberton is a grade A weasel.
Sheldon: How do I know you're not just being polite when you say it's nice to see me?
Barry Kripke: I have literally never said that to you.

Amy: I don't know, Barry. It sounds a little sleazy.
Barry Kripke: Well, let me know if you change your mind. Sleazy is where I thrive.

President Siebert: Look, the Nobel Committee doesn't like infighting, so if the four of you don't stop sniping at each other, the award's gonna go to someone else entirely.
Amy: He's right. You know, like it or not, we can't avoid each other. Let's at least try to be civil.
Drs. Campbell: Agreed. You know, when you think about it, we're linked together the same way that super-asymmetry links together every atom in the universe.
Dr. Pemberton: Hmm.
Amy: That's not what it does at all!
Dr. Pemberton: Well, that's the great thing about science. We all get to have our own opinions.
Sheldon: I'm still not talking. That's impressive, right?

Howard: So what's the worst thing you've ever done to get something you wanted?
Bernadette: I'm not gonna tell you that.
Howard: Oh, come on. I'll tell you mine.
Bernadette: Right, 'cause yours is gonna be as bad as mine. Okay. [chuckles]

Sheldon: That was my iced tea.

Amy: So, obviously, I'm really sorry about my outburst. Calling you frauds was unacceptable. I feel terrible about it.
Sheldon: It has caused her a lot of stress. She chewed through her night guard like it was a piece of jerky.

Dr. Campbell: Yes, obviously, you're angry at all the attention we're getting for our discovery and you're lashing out.
Sheldon: Well, uh, technically, she lashed out. I contained myself, which I don't think I'm getting enough credit for.

Dr. Pemberton: The point is we should take it as a compliment that even you guys think we will win the Nobel Prize.
Amy: Uh, no, we-we certainly do not think that.
Sheldon: The Nobel Committee will realize that we came up with this theory.
Dr. Campbell: But we proved it.
Amy: By accident.
Dr. Pemberton: All breakthroughs happen by accident.
Amy: No, they don't!

Barry Kripke: Greg Pemberton, you old so-and-so.
Dr. Pemberton: Very good to see you. Uh, let me introduce you to my colleague, Dr. Campbell. Uh, Kevin, this is Barry Kripke. We went to college together.
Dr. Campbell: Great to meet you.
Barry Kripke: Well, you have my number. We should hit up the buffet at the strip club while you're in town. Nothing beats a lap dance and a baked potato bar, huh?

Barry Kripke: I heard the only work he did on his thesis was googling, "Where can I buy a thesis?"
Amy: Well, plagiarism is a pretty serious charge. Are you sure?
Barry Kripke: You want proof? I can make some calls.
Sheldon: You'd do that for us?
Barry Kripke: I really don't want to see that guy win a Nobel. I also don't want to see you win a Nobel. Ooh, this is tricky.

Sheldon: Ugh, why is this decision so hard?
Raj: Maybe because you want to win, but deep down you know it's not the honorable way to do it. Otherwise, you would've done it already.
Amy: That's really wise.
Sheldon: Yes, but it may just be the Indian accent.

Amy: Do you think by not exposing Pemberton we're doing the right thing?
Sheldon: Of course. Unless you think we're not doing the right thing.
Amy: Why would you think that I don't think we're doing the right thing?
Sheldon: You might think that if good people hold themselves to unrealistically high ethical standards, then they might lose out to their unscrupulous competitors.
Amy: Is that what you think?
Sheldon: No. No, I just thought if you thought we weren't doing the right thing, that's why you might think that.
Amy: Well, if I did think that, you might point out that people who claim it's okay to do bad things to win are bad people no matter what they tell themselves.
Sheldon: And I'd be right to point that out.
Amy: Because you're a good person.
Sheldon: I love talking to you. It's like talking to me, but with a girl voice.

Leonard: Can't believe it. Sheldon loves telling on people when they break the rules.
Penny: Yeah, well, maybe he's changed.
Leonard: He hasn't changed. Last week, when the vending machine gave me two bags of chips, he called my mom.
Penny: Well, that didn't ruin your life.
Leonard: Well, it ruined my day. I had to talk to my mom, who, by the way, is-is polyamorous now, so that's fun to think about.