Penny: Ok, who wants syrup & who wants powdered sugar?
Sheldon: I want oatmeal.
Penny: Well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn't a big pain in the ass.
Sheldon: I'm sure that will happen soon enough.

Penny: Oh man, did the KISS Army repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"?

Penny: I think we'll pass.
Howard: Oh, is the Mrs speaking for the couple now?
Leonard: In this case, you bet she is.

Penny: Okay, so Kim, the night manager, went on maternity leave, and her husband's name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband's name is Kim.
Leonard: Wow!
Penny: I know. What are the odds?
Sheldon: Easily calculable. We begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work: the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at-
Leonard: Sheldon! It's an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Ooh, Penny, it's as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.

Penny: All right, want some French toast?
Sheldon: It's Oatmeal Day.
Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal.
Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day?

Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.
Leonard: Sorry. I haven't given her your schedule yet.
Sheldon: It's an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment.
Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.
Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?

Leonard: What was that?
Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice.
Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don't.
Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Leonard: Yeah. Yeah, now that's you, obnoxious and insufferable.

Raj: I think we're fitting in quite nicely.
Howard: It'd help if you weren't drinking light beer.
Raj: Oh, what's so Gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?
Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the wikiHow link I sent you on being goth?
Raj: No, I'm behind on my wiki reading. I'm kind of on a John Grisham kick right now.
Howard: What?
Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.

Raj: Light beers? Well, wikiHow about that?

Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?

Sheldon: There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren't happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.
Leonard: No, this has to stop now.
Sheldon: I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the Bazinga! was implied.

Sheldon: I'm just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.
Leonard: No, you're not sanding Penny.
Sheldon: Are you saying that I'm forbidden from applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol that will make our lives better?
Leonard: Yes, you're forbidden.
Sheldon: (Squirts Leonard with a water spray) Bad Leonard!

Bethany: So what do you guys do?
Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music.
Raj: Goth food.
Sarah: What's goth food?
Raj: Uh ... blackened salmon?

Bethany: No, I meant what do you do for jobs?
Raj: Oh, we're scientists.
Howard: Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.
Bethany: What are the dark sciences?
Raj: Well, I am an astrophysicist and a lot of that takes place at night. When there are vampires and miscellaneous un-dead out and about.
Howard: Oy vey.

Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long?
Sheldon: Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga!