Howard: That's not true. My happiness is not dependent on my best friend being miserable and alone.
Raj: Thank you.
Howard: Although, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little bit of a perk.

Sheldon: This is incredible! I'm so happy, I'm not even going to question their judgment in picking you. I'm just going to run home and start packing.
Raj: Why wouldn't you take Penny?
Leonard: I am taking Penny.
Raj: Oh. Well, then I anticipate an awkward situation when you get home.

Leonard: Sheldon, you got a minute?
Sheldon: Of course, my good friend. Come in. Help me out, which ski hat says aprs supercollider?
Leonard: Sheldon, I'm not taking you to Switzerland.
Sheldon: Well, of course you are. Who else would you take?
Leonard: Penny.
Sheldon: What? That's absurd. Penny has no interest in subatomic particle research.
Leonard: Yes, but it'll be Valentine's Day. We can go sightseeing and skiing and make love in front of a roaring fire in the shadow of the snowcapped Alps.
Sheldon: But Penny has no interest in subatomic particle research.

Leonard: But it does involve air travel. Okay, um, let me slice this Swiss cheese with my Swiss army knife, and then you can wash it down with a cup of Swiss Miss instant cocoa.
Penny: Okay, I'm starting to think Swiss is key here.
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Penny: We're going to Disneyland and ride the Matterhorn?
Leonard: How does that involve air travel?
Penny: We're going to Disney World and ride the Matterhorn?

Sheldon: Not so fast. You might want to hold off on lighting your Rbeliechtli, Penny.
Penny: My Rabi-what-lee?
Sheldon: Rbeliechtli. It means turnip light and refers to a traditional lantern hand-carved from a root vegetable and used to celebrate certain Swiss festivals. Which you will not be celebrating because, a. these festivals occur in the fall, and b. you will not be going to Switzerland.

Penny: Is there anything in there about if one of you gets a girlfriend?
Sheldon: No, that seemed a little far-fetched.

Leonard: Sheldon, do you really expect to enforce this?
Sheldon: I've lived up to all my commitments under the agreement. At least once a day I ask how you are, even though I simply don't care. I no longer stage spontaneous bio-hazard drills after 10 pm And I abandoned my goal to master Tuvan throat singing.

Leonard: Look, Sheldon, I know its in the agreement, and if you turn into a zombie, I promise I will not kill you. In fact, Ill even let you eat my brains. But I am taking Penny to Switzerland.

Sheldon: Round two. Leonard Hofstadter, Darth Vader, Rupert Murdoch.
Leonard: Rupert Murdoch?
Sheldon: He owns FOX and they canceled Firefly. Hint, he and Darth Vader are tied for number two.

Howard: I'm sorry I couldn't hang with you last night. I had a date with Bernadette.
Raj: I know. I saw the tweet.
Howard: So, what did you end up doing?
Raj: Not much. Nuked a burrito. Prayed to the Hindu god Urvashi that your bowels would loosen and your penis would droop like a willow tree.

Sheldon: I've made you breakfast. Juice, coffee, and pancakes in the shape of some of your favorite fictional characters. See, here's Frodo.
Leonard: You made Frodo pancakes?
Sheldon: Yeah, I used coconut shavings to do the hair on his feet. If you need to void your bladder before eating, I can keep them warm with this beret that I thoroughly laundered and pressed into service as a pancake cosy.
Leonard: Why are you doing this?
Sheldon: It's by way of an apology for my recent behaviour. I've had some time to reflect and I've come to realize that friendship is not an aggregation of written agreements. It's a result of two people respecting and caring for each other. Butterscotch scone?
Leonard: Thanks. It's good.
Sheldon: What you're tasting is respect and affection. And about a pound of Crisco. After you've finished breakfast, I thought we could spend the day watching the final season of Babylon 5 with director commentary.
Leonard: You hate Babylon 5.
Sheldon: I do. It fails as drama, science fiction, and it's hopelessly derivative. But you like it, and you're my friend.
Leonard: Okay, great. Still not taking you to Switzerland.
Sheldon: Drat. No Frodo for you.

Sheldon: But my true purpose in being here will be revealed in this brief PowerPoint presentation. Lights. "Why Sheldon Cooper, PhD, should go to Switzerland to see the CERN supercollider", a PowerPoint presentation by Sheldon Cooper, PhD.
Penny: Oh, for God's sake.
Sheldon: Here we have a highly gifted researcher in the field of particle physics whose work has brought him to the precipice of forever changing mankind's understanding of the universe, a.k.a. me. And here we have a waitress brushing her teeth with her finger, a.k.a. you.
Penny: I'm sorry. Is this supposed to be buttering me up?
Sheldon: Please hold all questions to the end of the presentation. This is the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in Switzerland, the product of decades of planning and construction. It is a Mecca for physicists the world over. This is Bath and Body Works on Colorado Boulevard. They sell scented soaps and lotions, some of which contain glitter. Now, let's see if we can match the individual to the appropriate destination.
Penny: Okay, show's over.

Raj: You know what? Even though I don't have a girlfriend, I can still have a good time on Valentine's Day.
Howard: Trust me, you can't. I've tried.
Raj: No, no, no, I’m going to have a me day. First I’m going to go to one of those spas in Koreatown, take a steam and get a massage. Then I’m going to stop at a pet store and get licked by puppies.

Leonard: Sheldon, I need to talk to you.
Sheldon: All right, my friend. Would you like some cholermues?
Leonard: Some what?
Sheldon: Cholermues. It's a traditional Swiss breakfast dish. I'm preparing my gastrointestinal system for the exotic cuisine of Switzerland.
Leonard: You're not going to Switzerland!
Sheldon: Oh, but I am. Didn't Penny tell you the good news?
Leonard: She told me that you went behind my back to guilt her into letting you go instead of her.
Sheldon: Yes, that good news.

Sheldon: With the friendship clause of our roommate agreement nullified you are no longer entitled to accompany me to go swimming at Bill Gates’ house should I be invited.