Leonard: No offense, but shower sex with you is now the second best thing that's happened today.

Raj: Mmm, Greek food on pizza night? This is the most delightfully cruel thing we've done to Sheldon since we left that fake message from Stephen Hawking on his voice mail.

Bernadette: Oh, I totally want to see Sheldon dance. I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate.

Amy: I trained Ricky how to smoke. I can train him to shoot a poison dart. No jury would convict us 'cause people love monkeys.

Amy: How come if we're the smart people, we don't do this every night?
Sheldon: What's sixteen times 14?
Amy: My burps taste like cranberry juice.
Sheldon: And there's your answer.