Leonard: Do you think we can outrun him?
Sheldon: I don't need to outrun him, I just need to outrun you.

Penny: Did Sheldon change the Wi-Fi password again?
Leonard: Yeah, it's "Penny already eats our food she can pay for Wi-Fi". No spaces.

Sheldon: I'm not going to say I told you so, but we could have killed him.

Sheldon: Leonard, I platonically love you, man, but face it, you're a mess.

Sheldon: I don't watch you twenty-four hours a day. I don't know what you do.

Jimmy Speckerman: Yeah, we were practically a comedy team.
Wolowitz: Yeah, like the Black Death and Europe.

Sheldon: You are soft. The world is going to chew you up and spit you out.

Bernadette: I don't think I can meet the girl who was always mean to me. Tammy Bodnick. One time, while I was in gym class, she stole all my clothes and left an elf costume in my locker.
Penny: Oh, that's awful.
Bernadette: Worst part was, it was too big.

Sheldon: You know, the holidays are just around the corner. Maybe he wants to see if he can lodge the other testicle up there.
Leonard: I told you. That was a different guy.
Penny: Hmm. That's too bad. We could have spent New Year's Eve waiting for the ball to drop.

Jimmy Speckerman: Wow. Look at you. Little Leonard Hofstadter. I hear you're a big-time scientist now.
Sheldon: And there's the first zinger. Ouch.

Jimmy Speckerman: From what I read, it sounded like a big deal.
Sheldon: Oh, good Lord, are we going to stand here and listen to him tear Leonard apart like this?
Raj: Hey, I won a Newcomb medal, too.
Sheldon: My point.

Penny: (On the phone) Anyway, I'm really sorry I made fun of your stutter in high school.
Bernadette: You're doing great.
Penny: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, God, just finish the sentence. Okay, well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Bye. No one wants to hear my apologies.
Amy: I think your mistake is doing it over the phone. If they could look into your eyes, they'd melt.
Bernadette: Penny, it doesn't matter what you did in the past. You're a good person now.
Penny: That's easy for you to say. You weren't just called a b-b-b-b-bitch.

Leonard: You want to hear something weird?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: You asked Penny if she wanted to hear something weird.
Leonard: Yeah, because I have something weird to tell her.
Sheldon: Oh. I thought it was a game.

Sheldon: Congratulations? The Newcomb Medal? Oh, please. That's the scientific equivalent of a smiley face sticker on your homework.

Jimmy Speckerman: Aw, come on, you can figure it out. You're like the smartest guy I've ever know.

Sheldon: The smartest? All right, you know, I may not have the firmest grip on sarcasm, but even I know that was a doozey.