Sheldon: No, the best organism for human beings to merge with is the lichen itself. That way, you'd be human, fungus, and algae. Triple threat. Like three-bean salad.
Leonard: Give me one circumstance in which that would be useful.
Sheldon: All right, picture this, a beautiful outdoor concert. Now, as a human, I appreciate Beethoven. As a fungus, I have a terrific view, growing out of a towering maple tree. And no thank you, expensive concessions. Because as an algae, I'll just snack on this sunlight.

Sheldon: Here.
Howard: What is this?
Sheldon: You're upset. The convention is to bring an upset person a hot beverage.
Howard: No, but what is it?
Sheldon: Chicken broth. It seemed culturally appropriate. Also, there was a single cube of chicken bouillon in the cupboard when I moved in and it's been bothering me for the last eight years. So, as they say, two birds.

Barry Kripke: Howard, I'm going to say something to you that everybody's thinking but nobody has the courage to say out loud. When you invite a man to a bachelor party, the implication is there will be strippers. Maybe not completely nude, but at least pasties and G-strings. That's not unreasonable!

Sheldon: I just threw up the bachelor party.

Leonard: It's a bachelor party. There could be strippes. Wouldn't that make you jealous?
Penny: Come on, Leonard, it's you. What's going to happen? I mean, even if there is a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye contact and maybe offer to help her kid with homework.

Leonard: Hey, I am a young man in his sexual prime. Under the right conditions, I am capable of just, really crazy stuff.
Penny: Really? What is the craziest thing you've ever done with a woman? And the time you and I had sex in the ocean does not count.
Leonard: Come on, that's got to count. There was a really strong undertow. We could have died.

Penny: Well, have fun tonight.
Leonard: Oh, I will. There is no telling what might happen.
Penny: Yes, there is.

Leonard: Whoa, it's a little early to start dropping J-bombs, don't you think?

Sheldon: I wish you could all be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling.
Fine, I'll tell you. A lichen is an organism made up of two separate species, fungi and algae. If you could merge with another species, what species would you pick and why? Hint, there is a right answer. None of you will get it.

Raj: Okay, I'd pick swan because the resulting hybrid would have the advanced industrial civilization of a human and the long graceful neck I've always dreamed of having.
Sheldon: Wrong.

Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: Horse, but mostly just for the height. A little bit for the genital girth.
Sheldon: Wrong, and let's keep it clean, shall we?

Howard: Kangaroo. Uh, I'd be a Kanga-Jew - the first of my people to dunk a basketball.
Leonard: Also instead of just living in your mother's house, you could actually live inside her body.
Sheldon: Clever, but also wrong.

Raj: Maybe we can go up to Napa Valley. They've got that wine train.
Sheldon: Boo, wine! But yay, trains. I'm in.

Raj: I've been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to, said I could get us a great price if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
Howard: Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette no strippers.
Raj: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. The one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
Howard: What can I tell ya, I'm not into that stuff any more.

Leonard: Hey, I got to hand it to Raj, he found a really nice spot to have a bachelor party.
Sheldon: It's not bad. Unless you compare it to a train, then it stinks.