Sheldon: I'm confused. I thought since our reconciliation, I was your friend in this group.
Wil Wheaton: Oh, I'm friends with Howard too.
Sheldon: Oh, I guess you're just friends with anybody. (drinks again) Urgh!

Bernadette: These are gift bags we're going to put in the hotel rooms of our out-of-town guests. This is a map of Pasadena. This is a list of local restaurants. And then, for Howie's relatives, we have antihistamines, antacids, and medicine for diarrhea and constipation.
Penny: Yeah, we labeled them stop and go.

Bernadette: I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate, Bernadette Mary-Ann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
Penny: Nice. You know, you should totally get BernadetteMaryAnnRostenkowskiWolowitz.com before someone snaps it up.
Bernadette: Howard already took care of it.

Raj: May I have your attention, please? We are here tonight to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of my best friend Howard Wolowitz.
Everybody: Hear! Hear!
Sheldon: And apparently Wil Wheaton's best friend.
Wil Wheaton: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Talk to the hand.

Leonard: So, Howard Wolowitz tying the knot. Leaving his crazy bachelor days behind. He was a wild one. Well, I guess we all kind of were. I remember this one time, I was with this girl at the beach. We were in the ocean and we started making out. I know, it was crazy. I wasn't even wearing my Aquasocks.

Raj: The only threesome I've ever had in my life, and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here.
Howard: Oh, please shut up.

Howard: Thank you for picking us up. There's a warning, right there, on the Scotch bottle. "You cannot be operatin heavy machinery after you had a snootful of this, laddie!"

Raj: You know, we're not that far from my apartment. If you stop the car, I can walk from here.
Bernadette: You ain't goin' anywhere, Three-way.
Howard: Bernadette, listen...
Bernadette: You lied to me. You said you told me about all the girls you've been with, but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostitute or Raj!
Raj: Seriously, you don't even have to stop the car. Anything under ten miles an hour and I can combat-roll into the street.

Bernadette: I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm supposed to marry Howard in a couple of weeks and I'm not sure I even know who the man is any more.
Amy: I'm curious what's bothering you most, the borderline incest, the prostitute or group sex with the girl dressed as the children's cartoon?
Penny: Amy, remember when we went over things that would be helpful and things that wouldn't?
Amy: Right. And that was...
Penny: Not.

Bernadette: When I first met Howard, he seemed so innocent to me, just a sweet little guy who lives with his mother.
Penny: Well, if that's what you like, I'll take you to the comic book store, the place is full of 'em.
Bernadette: Wait a minute. You set me up with Howard. Did you know about all the creepy stuff he was into?
Penny: Well, a little. You hear stuff.

Bernadette: Why didn't you tell me?
Penny: Well, I was gonna, but I didn't think it would go past the first date. Then, when it did, I thought for sure it wouldn't go past you meeting his mother. Definitely not past the two of you sleeping together. I mean, the warning signs were there, this is really on you.

Penny: Please come out, Bernadette. Let's talk through this.
Bernadette: No, leave me alone.
Amy: Perhaps you should give him a taste of his own medicine. Do you have a cousin who you find attractive?
Penny: Amy!
Amy: Hey, you introduced him to the sleaze bag. I'm just trying to clean up your mess.

Penny: Oh, my God, Howard. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. And it came out of you.

Bernadette: Is there anything else about your past I should know?
Howard: Couple things, but, you know, most of them happened overseas. I'll tell you later.

Leonard: I'm gonna have sex with you right here, right now, on that washing machine.
Penny: No, you're not.
Leonard: Come on, please.
Penny: If you want to do something, you can help me fold this sheet.
Leonard: Folding a sheet in my underwear, still pretty crazy.