Leonard: I'm gonna have sex with you right here, right now, on that washing machine.
Penny: No, you're not.
Leonard: Come on, please.
Penny: If you want to do something, you can help me fold this sheet.
Leonard: Folding a sheet in my underwear, still pretty crazy.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Barry Kripke: Yes, yes, yes. He's a jolly good fellow. What time do the strippers arrive?

Stuart: Okay, I'll go. Howard, when I think about you and Bernadette starting this wonderful life together, I can't help but get a little choked up. I mean, look at you. You have everything. Look at me. I'm 37. I sleep in the back of a comic book store, and I have the bone density of an 80-year-old man. To Howard.

Raj: When I moved to America I was pretty lonely, but when I met Howard my life changed because we could be lonely together.