Raj: I've been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to, said I could get us a great price if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
Howard: Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette no strippers.
Raj: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. The one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
Howard: What can I tell ya, I'm not into that stuff any more.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Barry Kripke: Yes, yes, yes. He's a jolly good fellow. What time do the strippers arrive?

Stuart: Okay, I'll go. Howard, when I think about you and Bernadette starting this wonderful life together, I can't help but get a little choked up. I mean, look at you. You have everything. Look at me. I'm 37. I sleep in the back of a comic book store, and I have the bone density of an 80-year-old man. To Howard.

Raj: When I moved to America I was pretty lonely, but when I met Howard my life changed because we could be lonely together.