Mr. Rostenkowski: Walnut?
Howard: No, thank you. I'm allergic.
Mr. Rostenkowski: Oh, sure. My partner used to have that. He's dead now.
Howard: From nuts?
Mr. Rostenkowski: Nah, his wife shot him. But she was nuts, so in a way.

Mr. Rostenkowski: It's gonna be okay, son.
Howard: You really think so?
Mr. Rostenkowski: Of course. A pretty girl like Bernadette, she'll find a new guy.

Amy: We're playing doctor. Star Trek style.

Sheldon: For example, this morning I was calculating the random motion of virtual particles in a vacuum, when suddenly the particles morphed into an image of Amy's dandruff gently cascading down onto her pale, slightly hunched shoulders. Oh, what has that vixen done to me, Leonard? And how do I make it stop?

Sheldon: I assume we're talking about you now?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: So that's how this works, I complain and then you complain and no one offers any solutions?
Leonard: Pretty much.
Sheldon: Well no wonder the women are winning.

Sheldon: Hope you're not thinking about some sort of LSD thought control. Because there's only one mind-expanding drug this man enjoys, and that's called school.

Mike Rostenkowski: Last murder case before I retired. How many bodies do you see there? Careful, i's a trick question.
Howard: Im not sure.
Mike Rostenkowski: Nah, you'll never get it. It's a fraction.

Mike Rostenkowski: When I first met you, I didn't like you.
Howard: I'm aware of that, sir.
Mike Rostenkowski: But then you and I had some time together.
Howard: Uh-huh.
Mike Rostenkowski: It did not get better.
Howard: Right, right.
Mike Rostenkowski: That silly Beatle haircut and you riding around on a red Vespa, and you still living at home with your mother. To be honest, I thought Bernadette chose you to punish me. But then I heard about your astronaut thing, and I realized I judged you too fast. Maybe you are the right guy for my little girl.

Amy: Seven o'clock, right on time.
Sheldon: It's not an accident. I waited outside your door for twenty minutes.

Sheldon: Leonard, these rental tuxedos have been worn by hundreds of sweaty strangers. I don't like my own sweat touching my skin. How do you think I feel about theirs?

Raj: Well, that wasn't as entertaining as when he rents bowling shoes, but it was right up there.

Sheldon: I must say, I was surprised you chose to spend our date night in your apartment. As I mentioned, the Pasadena City Council is debating longer crosswalk times. And later, the LEGO store is having a midnight madness sale. You ask anyone, that's a hot date.

Amy: I had a feeling you'd be reluctant, which is why I'm going to dip into my neurological bag of tricks.
Sheldon: Oh, you brain monkeys kill me. Dip away.

Sheldon: I love strawberry Quik. It's my favorite pink fluid, narrowly beating out Pepto-Bismol.

Sheldon: Can I ask you a question about women?
Leonard: We got you that book last year. Wasn't everything in there?
Sheldon: No, I'm having a relationship problem with Amy. And by the way, that book gave me nightmares.