Amy: Bernadette, I want to thank you for allowing me to be your maid of honor. I also want you to know that I will be happy to do it again if this marriage craps out.

Sheldon: Would you like some aloe vera? 'cause you just got burned.

Amy: Stop it! Today is not about you, it's about Howard and Bernadette, and me!

Mrs. Wolowitz: What kind of breakfast do you think they're going to give you in Russia?
Howard: They invented blintzes. I'll be fine.
Mrs. Wolowitz: They invented the lightbulb in New Jersey. It doesn't mean they hand them out to you when you go.

Sheldon: The need to find another human being to share one's life with has always puzzled me. Maybe because I'm so interesting all by myself. With that being said, may you find as much happiness with each other as I find on my own.

Amy: I love his eidetic memory, it's so sexy. Sheldon, what are the ingredients in Pringles?
Sheldon: Dried potatoes, vegetable oil, corn flour, wheat starch, maltodextrin, salt, and my favorite ingredient of all, uniformity.
Amy: The uterus quivers, does it not?

All: By the power vested in us, by the state of California...
Sheldon: And the Klingon High Council...

Sheldon: I bought you and Bernadette a gravy boat worth eighty-eight dollars. Which places me in your debt and I can't be in your debt because someday you might ask me to help you move. Or to kill a man.
Leonard: I doubt he'll ask you to kill a man.
Sheldon: Well, what if it's his only way out? I can't risk it.

Mr. Rostenkowski: Here you go.
Bernadette: "Here you go?" What am I, a football?
Mr. Rostenkowski: Like that guy could catch a football.

Sheldon: Remarkable. In just under a half hour, 200 metric tons of fuel will ignite in a controlled explosion right beneath Howard's keister. And all from a country whose entire contribution to the global economy has been Tetris and mail-order brides.

Howard: There's fuel leaking and we're still going to go?
Mike: Don't lose your Froot Loops, Froot Loops.
Dimitri: This happens a lot. Nine times out of ten, no problem.
Howard: What happens on the tenth time?
Dimitri: Problem.

Registrar: Folks, can I have your attention. It's five o'clock, we're going to be able to take three more couples. The rest of you will have to come back on Monday.
Bernadette: Oh, no.
Howard: I got this. Excuse me, but is there any way you could squeeze us in? See, I'm an astronaut and I'm leaving for Russia on Sunday so I can take a Soyuz rocket to the International Space Station.
Registrar: Yeah, me, too. I'll see you there.

Mike: That's ignition. I love this part.
Dimitri: Me, too.
Howard: I have strongly mixed feelings.

Bernadette: I can't believe we're not going to get married.
Amy: Excuse me, I'm going to go see if the couple at the front of the line needs a maid of honor.

Raj: I keep telling you, if I wasn't an astrophysicist, I would have been a party planner. It was always a coin flip.

Howard: So, we have the where and the when, but we still need to figure out who's going to do the ceremony.
Penny: Well, that's easy. Anyone can go online and get ordained as a minister. I know a piercing parlor where for a hundred bucks they'll marry you and stick a wedding ring through any body part you want.
Bernadette: Great, well, who's it going to be?
Sheldon: I'll do it, provided I can perform the ceremony in Klingon.
Bernadette: No.
Sheldon: What do you see in her?

Howard: Bernie, I have to go pick up my mother. I'll be right back.
Bernadette: Why can't she drive herself?
Howard: She doesn't want to sit in her dress and wrinkle it so I'm going to lay her down in the back of my neighbor's van.

Howard: Ma, you want to move your chair over here so you can see?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I'm fine where I am. I don't want to fall off the roof.
Howard: You'll fall through the roof before you fall off it.

Raj: Howard and Bernadette, the five of us stand before you as your friends and newly ordained ministers.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Louder!
Bernadette: They all got ordained. They're all marrying us. It's adorable. If you want to hear come closer.

Penny: Okay, I'll go. Howard and Bernadette, I know you two planned on getting married in a big fancy wedding, but when you're in love, it doesn't matter where or how these things happen. It just matters that you have each other.
Leonard: Hmm.
Penny: Problem?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: I think the Reverend Hofstadter is making an ironic connection between your statement about love and your rejection of his proposal in the bedroom.
Penny: Oh, grow up.

Bernadette: Howard Joel Wolowitz, like you, this is going to be short and sweet. I love you with all my heart and soul and promise to be with you forever.
Howard: Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski...
Mrs. Wolowitz: Speak up!
Howard: Hey, from now on, she's the only women who can yell at me!

Leonard: Where'd you get a beer?
Raj: From that happy young couple over there with all the tattoos. Beautiful story. They're in rival drug gangs, and they're getting married. Shh, no one can know.

Bernadette: So, what do you say, Amy?
Amy: Can I wear my maid of honour dress?
Bernadette: Seriously? You're going to wear that thing to City Hall?
Amy: It's all I have left. You're going to take that from me, too?

Sheldon: Thank you for the invitation, but I have to decline because it doesn't sound like something I'll enjoy.
Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, it'll be fun.
Sheldon: That's what you said about The Green Lantern movie. You were 114 minutes of wrong.

Mrs. Wolowitz: You know what, I'll buy you All-Bran in case you get stopped up in outer space.

Howard: Close your eyes. Put out your hand. I got you something special.
Bernadette: Come on, Howard. I'm not falling for that again.
Howard: No, here.
Bernadette: Oh, Howie. A little star, it's beautiful. Put it on me.
Howard: Okay, but I'm going to have to get it back from you so I can take it to the International Space Station. That way, when I come home, you will have a star that was actually in space.
Bernadette: Oh, my God.
Howard: Take that, every guy who's ever bought you anything.
Bernadette: This is the most amazing gift I've ever gotten.
Howard: Really? Well, if you like it that much, then close your eyes and put out your hand.

Mike: Hey, Froot Loops, want to hit your fan switch?
Howard: Check.
Dimitri: He calls you Froot Loops because of your very gay haircut?
Howard: No, it's 'cause I live with my mom and she makes me Froot Loops.
Dimitri: Go with gay story, people are more accepting of that.

Leonard: There's Howard's rocket, live from Kazakhstan.
Bernadette: Oh, God, I'm so nervous. I don't think I can watch.
Raj: Youre nervous? I've been stress-eating for four days. Look at me. I'm wearing my fat pants.

Howard: Hey Mike?
Mike Massimino: Yeah.
Howard: I changed my mind. I don't want to do this.
Mike: Good one.
Howard: Yeah, I'm a funny guy. I also have a hysterical bit planned for later where I pretend to cry through the whole launch.

Mike Rostenkowski: Your new mother-in-law's a piece of work.
Bernadette: Not now, Dad.
Mike Rostenkowski: She's got a bigger mustache than me.

Penny: I can't believe it. This whole time, a small part of me thought he was lying.

Penny: Hey, I know tons of people who got married in Vegas.
Bernadette: Are any of them still married?
Penny: Yeah. I mean not to the same people, but...

Amy: No, no, no, this is not the wedding I wanted. I wanted to wear my maid of honor dress and walk down the aisle with a hundred eyes on me, while a string quartet plays The Way You Look Tonight.
Bernadette: That wasn't going to be our procession music.
Amy: Well, it was going to be mine.