Sheldon: Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do. (To Amy) Don't just stand there. Take your breasts out.

Amy: Seriously, is that tape? Like, how are they staying up like that?

Amy: You're all wasting your time. Sheldon is the most qualified for the job. And no amount of gravity-defying bosom is going to change that.

Raj: Yeah, screw it. I'm going in.
Sheldon: Wait. Hold on. I believe screw it, I'm going in, is what I said to your mother last night.

Leonard: Oh, you do what you want. But I don't want to lose my friends over tenure. Friends are forever.
Howard: *Coughing* So is tenure.

Mrs. Davis: Roots?
Sheldon: The tragic history of slavery in America. Fun for the whole family.
Mrs. Davis:: Why would you think this is an appropriate gift?
Sheldon: Umm. Well, you are black, right?

Sheldon: Are you implying my girlfriend doesn't have any sexuality to exploit?
Raj: Yes.
Sheldon: Okay, because that was not clear.

Sheldon: That was ambiguous.
Raj: Well, now it's biguous.

Sheldon: If we really want science to advance, people should have chips implanted in their skulls that explode when they say something stupid.

Leonard: I just keep thinking how cool it would be if I called my mom and told her that I got tenure at Caltech.
Penny: She'd be proud, huh?
Leonard: Oh, very. Assuming she takes my call.

Leonard: (To Penny) Way to hit 'em with both barrels.

Kripke: If you need my nose, you'll find it firmly lodged up the rectum of the tenure committee.

Raj: I have a thick accent. You don't know what I said.

Leonard: My point is, immortality is not only a possibility, it is real.
Raj: Only if you're this jellyfish which periodically reverts to a mass of undifferentiated protoplasm.
Sheldon: If I could keep my gMail account, I'd be okay with that.

Sheldon: I must say, I go back and fourth between this whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing, but those moments when you worship me really keep you in the running

Sheldon: While I disagree with the premise of tenure, if they gave it to me, it wouldn't diminish my output. You know, I'm like the sun. Can't turn this off.

Raj: Born in New Delhi, the third son of an itinerant gynaecologist, I showed early signs of genius. At age five, I discovered a celestial object which later turned out to be the moon.

Sheldon: I won't be able to make our date night this Thursday, so, bad news for you.
Amy: Well you better have a good excuse this time. Because trimming Q-tips to fit your ears right is obvious nonsense.

Sheldon: I don't know what you're doing, but I was about to insinuate that I had coitus with Raj's mother for a dollar.

Barry Kripke: I'd love to babysit for you. Kids love me. Something about me just makes them waff and waff.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not do cozy.