Leonard: Oh, you do what you want. But I don't want to lose my friends over tenure. Friends are forever.
Howard: *Coughing* So is tenure.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Sheldon: Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do. (To Amy) Don't just stand there. Take your breasts out.

Amy: Seriously, is that tape? Like, how are they staying up like that?

Amy: You're all wasting your time. Sheldon is the most qualified for the job. And no amount of gravity-defying bosom is going to change that.