Raj: Leonard, give me a beat.
Leonard: I will not.

Sheldon: The National Science Foundation wants to give me a substantial grant.
Raj: That's a big deal.
Sheldon: I know. When will this nightmare end?

Sheldon: I hate to pile on the bad news, but I just got a raise.

Penny: What's thoughtful is everything you do. Here, look at this. This is the plane ticket you bought me when I was too poor to go home for the holidays. And the rose you left on my windshield just because. Here's the thank you letter you wrote me after the first time I slept with you. All eleven pages of it.
Leonard: I can't believe you saved all this stuff.
Penny: Of course I did, it's you.
Leonard: Come here. ... Is that a pregnancy test?
Penny: Oh yeah, just the first one. I didn't save them all.

Leonard: Besides, can you even name one romantic thing you've done for me?
Penny: I can name tons.
Leonard: And sex doesn't count.
Penny: Oh.

Sheldon: This is the magic marker I was using when I made the discovery.
Amy: I don't think the Smithsonian is gonna want your marker.
Sheldon: And that's why you're not on my list for the tree fort.

Raj: Penny, if you truly want to be romantic it has to come from you.
Penny: I get that, but why is this so hard?
Raj: You've probably never had to do this before because you're young and beautiful, and men have always thrown themselves at you.
Penny: Yeah, I'm trying to be sad about that. I can't.

Raj: Well, I've always had this fantasy that involves dancing. The sexual chemistry between my partner and me. But boy oh boy, does my father not approve until he sees us in the big dance competition.
Penny: Okay, that's just the plot for "Dirty Dancing".

Sheldon: Oh stop it. I don't need to take this admiration from the likes of you people.

Penny: Aww, what horrible thing are you trying to make up for?
Howard: Just putting something in the bank for what horrible thing I do next.

Penny: I don't know if I wanna cook for him. He's kind of a picky eater. "It's too salty. It's too dry. It's too burnt and frozen at the same time."

Howard: (To Raj) Will you play the ukelele?
Raj: Sure, I'd be happy to shred it on my axe.
Howard: Or you could just play your tiny, ridiculous guitar.

Howard: You sure you're okay?
Bernadette: Yeah, it's just a precaution. If there were a problem I'd be throwing up through my eyeballs by now.

Raj: As I'm sure you're aware the quickest way to a man's heart is through his -
Penny: Pants. But Leonard said sex doesn't count.
Raj: You poor thing. You have one arrow in your quiver and you just can't use it.

Penny: What else would you love? Other than being lifted over Patrick Swayze's head.
Raj: Oh, you could stand outside with a boombox in the air.
Penny: That's from "Say Anything".
Raj: Look, I'm a lonely guy. I watch a lot of movies.