Bernadette: I think what we're all trying to say is that you don't seem to be remembering how traumatic the experience was for you.
Raj: Like how women often forget the pain of childbirth.
Mike Rostenkowski: Like a woman. Great analogy.

Sheldon: I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually, he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by the princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or you're just a tall, annoying frog.

Amy: I'm not surprised you want to end the relationship. I'm a little surprised you didn't get AppleCare.

Amy: You don't need to explain yourself to him.
Sheldon: (To Leonard) I don't need to explain myself to you!
Amy: You're sick of his nonsense and you're ready to move in with me.
Sheldon: (To Leonard) Keep the table. We don't use that space.
Amy: Damn it. I got cocky.

Sheldon: (To Leonard & Penny) You can stop trying to make this about our relationship.
Amy: Which is stronger than ever.
Sheldon: Which is stronger than ever!

Amy: *Signs Amy Farrah Fowler on the iPad* Why yes, I would like to take a survey.

Penny: You guys never use that space up there. Why not get a table?
Sheldon: Do you want the long answer or the short answer?
Howard: How come we never get that option?

Penny: You know, my aunt changed her diet and in a few months -
Howard: Went to space? I don't think so! Now pass the soy sauce. Not the green one, the red one.

Raj: This is so much better than watching TV like a muggle.

Howard: Hey. Good news, somebody in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket.
Bernadette: Fine. Can I at least shower first?
Howard: No, not that. Although you already agreed to it, so no takebacks.

Penny: Ooh, this one looks nice.
Leonard: No, Sheldon doesn't like reclaimed wood.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: He's afraid the original owners will come back.

Sheldon: You were really going to stand by me against the dining room table?
Amy: Of course I was.
Sheldon: Wait, how do I know you're not manipulating me right now?
Amy: I think if I were manipulating you, you'd be smart enough to see it.
Sheldon: How do I know you're not saying that as part of the manipulation?
Amy: You'd be smart enough to see that too.
Sheldon: Okay. Sorry I gave you such a hard time. I just had to be sure.

Raj: First off, know that we love you and cherish you.
Mike Rostenkowski: Well, I wouldn't go -
Bernadette: Daddy.
Mike Rostenkowski: You're great.

Bernadette: It just seems silly for us to sit in two groups.
Leonard: It's not silly if you think of that group as being led by a big, evil baby.

Leonard: Penny and I are going to go shop for a dining room table. Do you want to come with us?
Sheldon: I'd love to, but I'm too busy falling back in love with Windows 98.
Leonard: Seriously? You haven't used this desk in years. The second I want to get rid of it you're up here working.
Sheldon: I can't talk right now. I have several thousand updates to install.

Leonard: Don't anthropomorphize him. He's got big eyes but his feelings are not like ours.

Raj: Oh sure. I sit on the floor for years and no one cares. The pretty white girl's there ten seconds and suddenly we're all running to IKEA.

Sheldon: No, you've opened my eyes to the truth. Amy has made me a more affectionate, open-minded person. And that stops now.

Amy: He knew as your girlfriend I wasn't going to let him bring a table in to your apartment. I mean, a table? Come on!

Raj: Ha ha, very funny. Make fun of the foreign guy. For your information, there are four times as many Indians as Americans so the way we say it is right.
Howard: Say what?
Raj: "Moose-stache".

Leonard: You're too close to it, but Amy has had a huge impact on your life.
Sheldon: You're right. Without realizing it, I have allowed that women to alter my personality.
Leonard: Sheldon, you didn't have a personality. You just had some shows you liked.

Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay in to an acceptable conduit for my will. Then you came along and reshaped him with your new fangled ideas and fancy genitals.

Raj: I just want you to know I'm happy to look in on Bernadette while you're gone.
Howard: Thank you.
Raj: And if anything were to happen to you, we will name our first born son Howard. I'm just kidding, we'll name him Daleep after my grandfather.

Raj: This (wand remote control) might be my second favorite brown magic wand.
Howard: Well, that's the last time I play with that.

Sheldon: Wait, is this really worth it? We've lived together for years without ne'ery an argument, but we start talking about a table and suddenly we're at each other's throats.
Leonard: Ne'ery an argument?! Ne'ery!?!
Sheldon: That means not one or not any. Maybe instead of a table you should buy a dictionary.
Sheldon: (To himself) Well, I don't know whether I won that but at least he's upset.

Sheldon: Amy pointed out you were only trying to manipulate me.
Amy: Which you also figured out by yourself.
Sheldon: Which I also figured out by myself!

Howard: What's going on?
Bernadette: Maybe you should have a seat.
Howard: I know my mom's not dead, there'd be balloons.

Penny: Amy, it's Penny. Hey. Just a little heads up, Leonard bought a dining room table. Yeah, Sheldon's breaking up with you.

Sheldon: My spot on the couch has a great view of a window. Sometimes I can see space battles through it. It's called a TV.

Penny: You're a grown man. You should be able to pick whichever Hobbit you want. ... I wish you wouldn't, but one problem at a time.

Penny: Oh, please. When I first met you, you were incapable of touching another human being. Now you're holding hands, going on dates, you even made out with her on a train.
Sheldon: She told you?
Penny: Of course she told me. It's the most interesting thing that's ever happened to her in her entire life.

Mike Massimino: You know how astronauts need to have the right stuff?
Howard: Sure.
Mike Massimino: The stuff you have is wrong.

Sheldon: I'll get right to the point. I think we need to end this relationship. So, sign this with your finger and please don't cry on my iPad. I didn't get AppleCare.

Penny: Translation?
Leonard: Wah, I don't want a table.

Sheldon: Think of me as Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, lying in front of the bulldozers to protect his home.
Leonard: If you'll recall, the Vogon fleet blew up the Earth anyway.
Sheldon: It's a made up story, Leonard. I don't know why you're even talking about it.

Leonard: You make a lot of sense. I like this table and I'm getting it.
Penny: Really, this one?
Leonard: That one.
*Penny nods*
Leonard: Damn right I like that one.