Leonard: Don't a lot of famous actors get their start doing bad movies?
Penny: Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say "Must keep gorilla hands from killing again".
Raj: If she did it would be amazing. That woman can do no wrong.

Sheldon: Ten years ago upon first seeing me, your husband claimed that I looked like C3P0 and Peewee Herman. And he called me C3Peewee Herman.

Sheldon: Remember the old days when I would point out that your check engine light is out?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Well, get ready to stroll down memory lane. Penny, your check engine light is on.

Sheldon: Leonard, could you wrap it up? We're waiting on you.
Penny: I'm sorry, is the fact my life's falling apart interfering with your board game?
Sheldon: It is.
*Sheldon goes back into the apartment*
Sheldon: You were wrong, Friend Howard. She completely understood.

Raj: I give you one simple thing to do: contact a complete stranger and make her fall in love with me, and you blow it!

Howard: What now?
Sheldon: I have to go to the bathroom.
Howard: You just went to the bathroom.
Sheldon: But I didn't use it because it didn't seem safe. Despite all my emails, the toilet didn't have a seatbelt.
Howard: Well, it still doesn't.
Sheldon: I realize that but safety concerns went out the window two apple juices ago.

Howard: I'm an astronaut and you know it. You just don't like admitting it because you're jealous.
Sheldon: Well, truth be told, as a child I did dream of going to space. Those astronauts were my heroes. And when you got to go, it was hard for me.
Howard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Because it made me realize they'll just send anyone up there.

Raj: Hello, Emily.
Emily: Hello.
Raj: Amy told me you were concerned that I might be too passive and shy. Let me ask you something: would a passive guy barge in here to look you in the eye and say "Hey, dew-kissed flower. What's up?".
Emily: No, but a weird guy with no boundaries might.
Raj: Okay, that's a separate issue. Let's put a pin that and just focus on the passive thing.

Raj: Not my best first date, but not my worst either.

In-flight Announcement: The Captain has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign. You're now free to move about the cabin.
Howard: It's over.
Sheldon: Yeah.
Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?
Sheldon: In a minute.
Howard: Okay, good.

Sheldon: Nine years, eleven months and three weeks ago, he followed that up replacing the slides for my lecture with photographs of nude fat women bending over.
Amy: Really?
Howard: The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds.
Raj: I was there. It was funny!

Raj: Amy, I could use some help.
Amy: Let me guess. There's an undergrad in a leather jacket snapping his fingers by the water fountain.

Penny: I called them. The part's gone. They gave it to someone else. Now some girl's going to get discovered and get famous, and go on Letterman and talk about how she got her big break on some cheap monkey movie all because some dumb girl though it was beneath her.
Leonard: At least they talk about you on Letterman.

Penny: I don't know what to say.
Leonard: Don't say anything. ... I mean you could say thank you, I did just buy you a car.

Sheldon: To this day I still get a monthly copy of "Granny on Granny". Which other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page is complete filth.