Raj: We have to go over some ground rules about Emily.
Howard: Like when it turns out she's made of rubber, I don't say anything?
Raj: She's very real.
Howard: That's what it says on the box. Right next to dishwasher safe.

Leonard: How's dating two women going?
Raj: Umm, kinda hit a bump. When I was honest and told Emily she wasn't the only person I was seeing, it went great. So I tried the same thing with Lucy.
Howard: And?
Raj: She had mixed feelings. But when I said "Emily was cool with it, Emily's the best, why can't you be more like Emily?", those feelings became less mixed.

Bernadette: I'm excited to meet Emily.
Howard: I just hope he doesn't blow it.
Bernadette: Why would you say that?
Howard: Because he's Raj. That's his thing. Beckham can bend it. Ralph can wreck it. Raj can blow it.

Sheldon: (on Stephen Hawking's voice mail) I kiss girls now.

Amy: Sorry I'm late. (Sees Sheldon's new hair style) What did you do?
Penny: I gave him a new look. Cute, huh?
Amy: Yeah, it's cute. That's the problem. I don't need other girls to see him walking around like sex on a stick?
Sheldon: (Looks in a mirror) She's right, I'm too hot.

Amy: Come on. Let's get you to bed. You've had a lot to drink.
Sheldon: No more than Penny.
Amy: That's what I'm saying.

Sheldon: *Knocks Knock Knock* Empty room (x3). If somebody answers, I'm going to freak out.

Penny: What's wrong with geology?
Sheldon: Let me put this in a way you'll understand, Penny. You remember you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well geology is the Kardashians of science.

Raj: This maybe the biggest scientific breakthrough of our life time. How can you as a theoretical physicist not care about this?
Sheldon: Maybe it's because I'm not an elitist. What I'd like to know is how does this gravity wave breakthrough help the man on the street? Who's looking out for Joe six-pack and all his quantum physics concerns?

Sheldon: It suggests I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas.

Howard: I promise I'll be on my best behavior.
Raj: You better be. No jokes about how close I am with my dog. Or the truth about how close I am with my dog.

Howard: I hope I can meet her as soon as possible.
Raj: Why the rush? She isn't going anywhere.
Howard: Oh, she is. But I like that attitude!

Emily: Oh my God I remember.
Howard: Can I finish my astronaut story?
Emily: It was four years ago
Howard: Please don't say it.
Emily: We were set up on a blind date.
Howard: Please don't say it.
Emily: You came to my apartment.
Howard: You're saying it.
Raj: What happened?
Howard: Okay, I'll say it. I was on the way to pick her up and my stomach felt a little funny. When I got there I asked if I could use her bathroom.
Bernadette: Please don't say it.
Howard: One roll of toilet paper and twenty minutes later, I was so humiliated I snook out the window and never saw her again.
Emily: You know what else I never saw again? My security deposit.
Howard: I'm so sorry. I tried to unclog it but you didn't have a plunger and water was spilling out everywhere.
Emily: Right, just water.

Sheldon: I couldn't sleep.
Penny: I told you those Walking Dead pillows were a bad idea.

Sheldon: This seemed so elegant at the time, but now I realize I was just a dumb country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.