Raj: We have to go over some ground rules about Emily.
Howard: Like when it turns out she's made of rubber, I don't say anything?
Raj: She's very real.
Howard: That's what it says on the box. Right next to dishwasher safe.

Sheldon: (on Stephen Hawking's voice mail) I kiss girls now.

Bernadette: I'm excited to meet Emily.
Howard: I just hope he doesn't blow it.
Bernadette: Why would you say that?
Howard: Because he's Raj. That's his thing. Beckham can bend it. Ralph can wreck it. Raj can blow it.

Leonard: How's dating two women going?
Raj: Umm, kinda hit a bump. When I was honest and told Emily she wasn't the only person I was seeing, it went great. So I tried the same thing with Lucy.
Howard: And?
Raj: She had mixed feelings. But when I said "Emily was cool with it, Emily's the best, why can't you be more like Emily?", those feelings became less mixed.

Amy: Sorry I'm late. (Sees Sheldon's new hair style) What did you do?
Penny: I gave him a new look. Cute, huh?
Amy: Yeah, it's cute. That's the problem. I don't need other girls to see him walking around like sex on a stick?
Sheldon: (Looks in a mirror) She's right, I'm too hot.

Amy: Come on. Let's get you to bed. You've had a lot to drink.
Sheldon: No more than Penny.
Amy: That's what I'm saying.

Sheldon: *Knocks Knock Knock* Empty room (x3). If somebody answers, I'm going to freak out.

Penny: What's wrong with geology?
Sheldon: Let me put this in a way you'll understand, Penny. You remember you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well geology is the Kardashians of science.

Raj: This maybe the biggest scientific breakthrough of our life time. How can you as a theoretical physicist not care about this?
Sheldon: Maybe it's because I'm not an elitist. What I'd like to know is how does this gravity wave breakthrough help the man on the street? Who's looking out for Joe six-pack and all his quantum physics concerns?

Sheldon: It suggests I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas.

Howard: I promise I'll be on my best behavior.
Raj: You better be. No jokes about how close I am with my dog. Or the truth about how close I am with my dog.

Howard: I hope I can meet her as soon as possible.
Raj: Why the rush? She isn't going anywhere.
Howard: Oh, she is. But I like that attitude!

Emily: Oh my God I remember.
Howard: Can I finish my astronaut story?
Emily: It was four years ago
Howard: Please don't say it.
Emily: We were set up on a blind date.
Howard: Please don't say it.
Emily: You came to my apartment.
Howard: You're saying it.
Raj: What happened?
Howard: Okay, I'll say it. I was on the way to pick her up and my stomach felt a little funny. When I got there I asked if I could use her bathroom.
Bernadette: Please don't say it.
Howard: One roll of toilet paper and twenty minutes later, I was so humiliated I snook out the window and never saw her again.
Emily: You know what else I never saw again? My security deposit.
Howard: I'm so sorry. I tried to unclog it but you didn't have a plunger and water was spilling out everywhere.
Emily: Right, just water.

Sheldon: This seemed so elegant at the time, but now I realize I was just a dumb country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.

Sheldon: As hard as this is I have to move on. I can't keep postulating multi-dimensional entities and get nothing in return. I have needs too!

Sheldon: I couldn't sleep.
Penny: I told you those Walking Dead pillows were a bad idea.

Penny: How about we toast your new found freedom?
Sheldon: Normally I refrain from alcohol, but since my cerebral cortex is twiddling its proverbial thumbs. Why not soak it in grape juice that's been predigested by a fungus?
Penny: And you wonder why other children beat you with books. Cheers!

Sheldon: Why do we have a geology book? Leonard, did you throw a children's party while I was in Texas?

Raj: Being an astrophysicist right now is like being a rock star.
Howard: Only without the sex.
Raj: Yeah, literally none of it.

Sheldon: I suppose I could see myself in a scientific boyband. Of course I'd be the dreamy one and the smart one.

Sheldon: Well, I've had a lot on my plate. We happen to live in a golden age of television.

Barry Kripke: Excuse me, fellas. Sorry for eavesdropping, but there actually was some big string theory news out of the Hadron Collider.
Sheldon: Really? Did they find evidence to support extra dimensions or super-symmetry?
Barry Kripke: No, but they did find evidence you'll believe anything

Penny: I get it. I know what it's like to put your heart and soul into something and get nothing out of it.
Sheldon: You mean your acting career?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Your relationship with Leonard?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Your failed attempt to go back to college?
Penny: No!

Sheldon: Do you think he's right? Am I wasting my life on a theory that can't be proved?
Howard: Maybe. But how great is Game of Thrones?

Bernadette: How's your soup?
Howard: It's all right. They could have filled the bowl a little more.
*Raj and Emily start laughing*

Sheldon: Why would you do that? You're a string theorist as well.
Barry Kripke: Incorrect. I'm a string pragmatist. I say I'm going to prove something that can not be proved. I apply for grant money and then I spend it on liquor and broads.

Emily: It's fine. All my friends love this story. They call you Clogzilla.
Raj: Get it? Because you clogged up her bathroom like a radioactive monster.

Bernadette: Where are you going?
Howard: I need some fresh air.
Emily: Been there!

Howard: Hey, it's not like cotton candy comes out of you.