Bernadette: Hands off. I'm mad at you.
Howard: Look, I know it's a lot of money, but the guy at the store said in five to seven years it'll pay for itself.
Bernadette: What will pay for itself?
Howard: Doesn't matter. What are you mad about?

Howard: Why are marine biologists always so cute?
Raj: I don't know, but I'd like to get lost in her Bermuda triangle.

Leonard: That's not helpful.
Howard: Then I won't say I'd like to cover three quarters of her surface area.

Penny: You couldn't sleep either?
Leonard: Of course not.
Sheldon: Me neither. But I just had a tickle in my throat. Not profound marital problems.

Raj: I can't believe you made out with Mandy Chow.
Leonard: Oh, trust me I wish it never happened.
Raj: And you knew about this the whole time?
Howard: I did.
Raj: And you didn't think to tell me?
Howard: Leonard asked me to keep it to myself.
Raj: Let's leave Leonard out of this for the moment. This is about you and me.

Leonard: Are we done?
Raj: Not yet. This is fun.
Ooh, I know. I'd let her free my willy.

Leonard: You'd think I'd be used to women withholding their love. My mother did. No matter how hard I tried, she just didn't have any interest in me.
Mandy: Imagine that.

Leonard: How is my day-old marriage falling apart becoming about you two?
Raj: Hang on. (To Howard) What do I need to do to make you trust me?
Howard: You think it's hard having one wife? Try having two!

Sheldon: The way I see it, there's a simple solution. Your lips had a dalliance with the lips of another woman. It seems only logical that to restore balance to the relationship, you should find another man and dally with him. And by dally, I mean some hardcore mouth-on-mouth action.

Howard: And you have every right to be mad about those things, so why don't you let me handle the credit card bill for this month? Don't even look at it.

Howard: Leonard, wait.
Leonard: What?
Howard: I'd like to Spongebob her Squarepants.
Raj: Now we are done.

Raj: Hey, Leonard. When you're done, we came up with a bunch more.

Penny: Sometimes I worry you're going to wake up and leave me for someone more like you.
Leonard: I don't even understand why you're with someone like me. Why would I want to be with someone like me?
Penny: You know what I mean. And maybe the way I've been reacting was me sabotaging this, too.

Penny: Sheldon, I can't believe you got us a wedding gift.
Sheldon: I don't know why you're so surprised. I watch movies. I see what people do.
Leonard: What is this?
Sheldon: Plane tickets and hotel reservations for a weekend away in San Francisco.
Penny: That is so great!
Sheldon: Yeah, there's fisherman's wharf, and Alcatraz, and cable cars. We're gonna have so much fun.
Penny: We?
Sheldon: Is there a problem?
Penny: Uh, no, no. I just said "Weeee!"