Amy: Sheldon, I am not doing Fun with Flags with you.
Sheldon: Why not?
Amy: Because we're broken up!
Sheldon: Sonny and Cher made it work. Their variety show kept going long after the divorce, and here we are still talking about them.
Amy: No one's talking about Sonny and Cher.
Sheldon: You must be thinking about Donny and Marie, because you and I are clearly talking about Sonny and Cher.

Penny: Look, I'm sorry I said I was okay with everything before we got married. I hate that we're going through this, but I don't know what to do.
Leonard: If you don't mind waiting for a Groupon, we can try marriage counselling.

Penny: What do you think?
Bernadette: I don't know what to think, but then I just found out about it.

Penny: Am I being naive?
Bernadette: I don't know. This is all so new to me. I'm still processing.

Sheldon: But enough about the Czech Republic. Let's talk about the time Moldova made Romania a birthday cake, and Romania said it tasted good even though it didn't, and yet Romania got dumped. I'll pause here while you mull that one over. I know, right?

Sheldon: Why are you up?
Leonard: How am I supposed to sleep? I've been married less than twenty-four hours and my wife isn't speaking to me.
Sheldon: Perhaps you can think of this in a more positive light. In one day, you've managed to do what it takes many couples decades to achieve.

Amy: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I'm here to return your belongings. That's what people who've broken up do.
Amy: And you didn't do your compulsive knocking ritual so I'd open the door?
Sheldon: On the contrary, you no longer get to enjoy my charming eccentricities. We're not friends with benefits.

Bernadette: If you think about it, without you he never would have grown into the person he is now. I mean sure, more women may notice him, but I think it's better to have a guy be with you because he wants to be, and not because he doesn't think he has any other choice.
Penny: I never thought about it like that.
Bernadette: Me neither. Not until just now.

Sheldon: Tonight's theme: Flags of countries that have been torn apart, and the women I have a feeling were responsible.

Leonard: Do you remember when you accused me of trying to sabotage our wedding?
Penny: Uh-huh.
Leonard: I've been thinking about it and you might be right. But the good news is I'm pretty sure I know why.
Penny: I'm listening.
Leonard: Penny, after all these years I still feel like maybe I don't deserve you.
Penny: Okay, that is the lamest excuse you could have possibly come up. But I get it.

Sheldon: Forgive me for eavesdropping, but as I see it there's a simple solution.
Leonard: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Leonard: How many times do I have to tell you, I have no interest in this woman.
Penny: Yeah, well maybe she has interest in you.
Sheldon: In Leonard? Oh, even the Sparkletts guy could see that's unlikely.

Leonard: Well, I got married recently.
Mandy: Oh, congratulations. To Sheldon?
Leonard: Ah, ha, never gets old.

Howard: And I wish Leonard never told me. He's the bad guy here.
Bernadette: I guess that's true.
Howard: And you let Penny marry him. Compared to that, who cares if I bought a George Clooney limited edition Manscaping kit.

Leonard: Hi, I'm calling about your marriage counselling services and I was curious what your rate is.
Really?
Uhm, okay, is there any kind of discount for length of marriage? We're talking hours here.