Bernadette: If you think about it, without you he never would have grown into the person he is now. I mean sure, more women may notice him, but I think it's better to have a guy be with you because he wants to be, and not because he doesn't think he has any other choice.
Penny: I never thought about it like that.
Bernadette: Me neither. Not until just now.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Sheldon: Thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.

Leonard: I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?
Sheldon: Yes. And that's coming from me.

Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Hey, buddy, can we have some privacy?
Sheldon: Of course. Wouldn't want to intrude. (takes red bra out of his pocket and hands it to Penny) This is yours.
Penny: Okay, when I'm done with him, I'm gonna need more information.
Sheldon: Nothing odd. I just wanted to rub Amy's nose in it.