Stuart: Anyone else need anything before I go?
Howard: I'll give you a dollar if you make fun of Raj.
Stuart: That's mean.
Howard: Five.
Stuart: You look like Tigger if Tigger looked like a jackass.
Howard: Uh, if you ever need a reference or anything, just let me know.

Penny: Helium.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Taylor Swift.
Penny: Yes. Pi.
Sheldon: Yes. Kardashian.
Penny: More specific.
Sheldon: Khloe?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: See, I remembered because if it looks like Kim it's Kim, if it looks kind of like Kim it's Kourtney, and if it looks nothing like Kim it's Khloe.

Penny: Oh, that's a Venn Diagram, and I remember because I thought to myself, "Venn is he gonna stop talking about this diagram?"

Raj: Boy, all this standing's making me tired. Good thing I brought my collapsible stick chair.
Howard: Not the stick chair. You look like an idiot on that thing.
Raj: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chairs on sticks are comfy.

Leonard: When's the screening?
Raj: Uh, it's tonight, but it's first-come, first-served, so we should probably get there early and wait in line.
Howard: Let's do it.
Leonard: Penny's busy with my mother, so Im in.
Sheldon: Oh, bad news. Amy's making me go shopping with her later, so looks like none of us can go.
Leonard: You do realize were allowed to have fun without you?
Howard: In fact, that's usually the trick to it.

Sheldon: *Knock, knock, knock* Amy. *Knock, knock, knock* Amy. *Knock, knock, knock* Amy.
Amy: Come in.
Sheldon: Hello, everyone. Oh, Beverly, good to see you. I'd love to chat, but there's a line that could start moving any minute, so let's do this. Amy? A proper apology requires three steps. Step one, an admission of wrongdoing. Amy, I was wrong. Step two, a promise never to repeat said action. Amy, that action will never be repeated, and that's a promise. Step three, an earnest request for forgiveness. Amy, I hope you can forgive me. And I hope you do it right now, 'cause there's an Uber waiting downstairs, and I don't want to repeat this apology nonsense with my driver Ganesh.
Amy: Fine.
Sheldon: Oh, thanks, you're a peach. Beverly, we'll catch up soon. Bernadette, it was a pleasure as always. Penny, you have spinach in your teeth.

Amy: What are you doing here? You're not Sheldon.
Stuart: I thought that might come up. Sheldon hired me to go shopping with you.

Beverly: Your relationship with him is fascinating. I'm preparing to write a book on high-achieving couples, and I would love to interview the both of you.
Amy: Oh, sure. I'll talk to Sheldon about it. You know, Bernadette's husband is a former astronaut.
Beverly: Really? Do you think he would be interested in being interviewed as well?
Bernadette: Do I think he'd be interested? Sometimes I hear him pretending to be interviewed when he's alone in the bathroom.
Beverly: Wonderful. I'll give you my contact information.
Bernadette: Um, you should probably talk to Penny, too.
Beverly: About what?

Penny: You really want me to pick up your mother all by myself?
Leonard: Hmm, I just feel like it would be a good chance for you to bond.
Penny: Or a way for you to avoid her?
Leonard: I don't know what he's putting on those cards, but you are smarter than ever.

Raj: Did you guys see there's an Avengers screening? Joss Whedon's gonna show some deleted scenes and do a question and answer session.
Sheldon: Oh, well, I have a few questions for him about the last Avengers movie, and a whole lot of answers.

Howard: If you really care that much, there are apps now that'll let you hire people to do stuff like errands and wait in lines.
Stuart: People are actually waiting in lines as a job? Boy, makes me feel better about my life.
Howard: Some of these guys make over $20 an hour.
Stuart: And now I feel worse again.

Beverly: I'm not surprised Leonard chose to avoid picking me up. He's battled intimacy issues his whole life. Does he have difficulty maintaining erections?

Beverly: Penny, it's only natural to want your mother-in-law to like you, and I acknowledge I can be an intimidating person. So what can I do to make this process easier for you?
Penny: Uh, for starters, maybe you can not psychoanalyze everything I say?
Beverly: And how does it make you feel when I psychoanalyze everything you say?
Penny: Uncomfortable.
Beverly: That was a joke, dear.
Penny: Oh. Sorry. Didn't know you made those.

Penny: Hey, listen, what if we have a little mother-in-law, daughter-in-law dinner tonight?
Beverly: So just the two of us?
Penny: Or I invite a few girlfriends, 'cause hearing you say the two of us just sent a chill right down my spine.

Amy: Hold on. He paid you to get out of spending time with me?
Stuart: No, it's not like that. There's a long line he'd rather stand in. So what are we doing? Old Navy, Build-A-Bear? I get paid either way.
Amy: We're not going shopping together.
Stuart: You sure? I'm happy to hold your bag. And Sheldon gave me money for a hotdog on a stick.
Amy: Can you understand why I might be annoyed right now?
Stuart: Look, lady, I just work here.