Quotes from ‘The Convergence Convergence’ Page 1 of 4

The Convergence Convergence

The Convergence Convergence
Season 9, Episode 24 - Aired May 12, 2016

Chaos ensues when Leonard's recently divorced parents, Alfred (Judd Hirsch) and Beverly (Christine Baranski), and Sheldon's devoutly religious mother, Mary (Laurie Metcalf), come to town. Also, Wolowitz and Koothrappali think the government is out to get them when they are contacted about their guidance system.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: So who else is coming to this shindig?
Amy: Oh, well, the usual gang. Penny's family is coming tomorrow.
Sheldon: Yeah, and Leonards mother's already here.
Mary Cooper: Oh. Beverly. How nice.
Amy: You've met her, right?
Mary Cooper: Yes, I have. (reveals her cross necklace)
Sheldon: Mother, she's an atheist, not a vampire.
Mary Cooper: Either way, let's stop and get some garlic.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Alfred Hofstadter: Well, on that note, there are many cultures that have an apocalyptic flood as part of their mythology.
Mary Cooper: I don't have a mythology. I have the unerring Word of God. But that's very interesting.
Alfred Hofstadter: Oh. I, I didn't mean to disparage your faith. Actually, I admire it.
Mary Cooper: Really?
Alfred Hofstadter: Yes. Yes, I'm an agnostic myself. But I have prayed many times to God, to turn my wife into a pillar of salt.
Mary Cooper: Well, He came close. Turned her into a giant block of ice.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: I've always had a special place in my heart for Leonard. Taking care of my baby all these years.
Sheldon: Excuse me, I take care of him.
Mary Cooper: Sure you do.

Quote from Bernadette

Raj: Okay, look, I'm on the Air Force Web site, and the department that e-mailed you is in charge of acquisitions. So maybe they just want to give you a lot of money for your invention.
Howard: Oh, please, that's not how it works. You saw E.T., Avatar, Jurassic World. The military just shows up and takes over.
Bernadette: You do realize those weren't documentaries, right?

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Penny: So, what did we miss?
Alfred Hofstadter: Oh, just Mary and I getting to know each other a little.
Mary Cooper: Leonard, your father is just charming.
Beverly Hofstadter: He's also broke. Did he mention that?

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: All right, everyone, calm down. Let's all remember what it says in the Bible: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty."
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, dear woman, can you please read another book?
Mary Cooper: When God writes one, I will.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I'd love it if my dad could come.
Penny: Oh, you have to invite him. I haven't seen him since the divorce.
Leonard: Oh, he's like a different man. He stopped twitching, and I think he grew an inch and a half.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Alfred Hofstadter: I, uh, I would also like to make a toast.
Penny: Aww.
Alfred Hofstadter: Leonard, I am so happy that you have found a woman who loves and cares for you.
Beverly Hofstadter: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Alfred Hofstadter: Why don't you take a pill?
Beverly Hofstadter: Like you did before sex?
Alfred Hofstadter: What I really needed was a blindfold.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: She's still not answering.
Leonard: My father's not texting me back.
Penny: 'cause they both turned their phones off.
Sheldon: I don't like this at all.
Leonard: I don't like it either.
Penny: Really? 'cause I love it.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Hey.
Penny: Hi, how was the screening?
Leonard: Oh, Sheldon invoked Rosa Parks to make somebody who cut the line feel bad, but only the white people felt bad.
Penny: Ugh, I should've never bought him that colouring book that explains Black History Month.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: How'd it go with my mother?
Penny: Uh, you know, it started a little rocky, but I think we got to a good place.
Leonard: Wow. Well done.
Penny: Yeah, and when I dropped her off at the hotel, she even gave me a hug.
Leonard: Did she think you were choking or ...?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Well, then it's settled. Yay. So funny. I never thought my second marriage would be to you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hey, good news, I just got off the phone with my mother. She is coming to the wedding.
Penny: Okay, wait, you're inviting people to our wedding?
Sheldon: Yes, I'm inviting people to our wedding. Yeah, I've already asked Stephen Hawking and Robert Downey Jr, and, now don't get your hopes up, 'cause he's pretty busy, but Erno Rubik.
Bernadette: Who's Erno Rubik?
Sheldon: Seriously? He invented the Rubik's Cube.
Penny: Okay, fine, but why would you invite him to our wedding?
Sheldon: Because, despite his fame and fortune, he strikes me as a lonely man.

Quote from Leonard

Beverly Hofstadter: How dare you invite your father without consulting me.
Leonard: Sorry, but I don't think I need your permission to have my father at my wedding.
Beverly Hofstadter: You do understand our marriage ended because he had an affair.
Leonard: I know, and there's no excuse for that.
Beverly Hofstadter: He claimed I was cold, emasculating, and hadn't shown him any physical affection for years.
Leonard: I was wrong, there's three excuses for that.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Hey, I just got an e-mail from the U.S. Air Force.
Raj: Open it.
Howard: Hmm. "We request a meeting at your earliest convenience regarding your quantum guidance system, provisional patent 62/295118." That's weird.
Raj: Is there a window around here we don't know about?
Howard: I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
Raj: Yeah, of course. What else could it be? (loudly) Boy, do I love America!

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