Penny: Hang on, why is it crazy to say I might not want kids?
Bernadette: Oh, it's not crazy. It's just wrong. You only think you don't want kids, but once you have kids, you'll realize that you did want them.
Penny: Or I don't want them, so I won't have them, so back off.
Bernadette: Aw, you sound just like me before I became a mom and learned what the meaning of love was.
Penny: Wow, I cannot believe how condescending you're being.
Bernadette: Look, I know it's scary, but you're gonna be a great mom.
Penny: I know I'd be great, but the point is I don't want to be one.
Bernadette: Maybe you wouldn't be great. You kind of got a temper.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Amy: Hey. Wait a minute, what about us? I mean, we're married now. Maybe we want to buy the house next door.
Sheldon: Well, Amy, we can't move. I'd have to change all the tags in my underwear.
Amy: You can buy new ones.
Sheldon: New house, new underwear. What am I, in the Witness Protection Program?

Sheldon: You're awfully quiet.
Leonard: Sorry.
Sheldon: No, I like it.
Leonard: Got a lot on my mind.
Sheldon: Would you like to talk about it?
Leonard: Not really.
Sheldon: Grape Nuts for breakfast, quiet car ride, things are really breaking my way today.

Amy: What the hell, Penny?!
Penny: I'm gonna need more than that.
Amy: You're not having kids? How could you do this to me?
Penny: How is it any of your business?
Amy: Because your kids were supposed to be friends with my kids. Who's gonna be friends with them now?
Penny: They will find other friends.
Amy: Oh, sure, 'cause Sheldon's DNA plus my DNA equals a kid who knows how to make friends. Grow up!