Sheldon: What did the toaster oven ever do to you?
Leonard: What did I do to Jimmy Mullins in the third grade? He still punched me in the face with my own fists. Sorry, you little nerd. You were just in the wrong boys' room at the wrong time.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Barry Kripke: We're all pathetic and creepy, and can't get girls. That's why we fight robots.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Want me to get you a popsicle?
Howard: Cherry, please!
Mrs. Wolowitz: I ate the cherry. All that's left is green.
Howard: You make me wanna kill myself!

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, there's a blonde girl, Patsy, here to see you.
Howard: Who?
Mrs. Wolowitz Okay, now she's saying it's Penny.