Mary: Could the reason you can't find a guy is because you're letting them ride the rollercoaster without buying a ticket?
Penny: Oh, they don't always get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups.

Sheldon: Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

Leonard: If I take it off, Sheldon wins.
Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.

Leonard: What am I supposed to do?
Penny: Err, keep your mouth off other women.

(Howard has just told Mary about his upcoming trip to the International Space Station.)
Mary Cooper: I bet your mom is really proud of you.
Howard: Nope. She says if I don't back out, she's gonna go on a hunger strike. It'd take years before she'd be in any kind of danger, but still.

Mary Cooper: It's all themed. There's Jonah and the Whale Watching. All-you-can-eat Last Supper Buffet. And my personal favorite, Gunning with God.

Mary Cooper: Lord, Mary Cooper here, coming to you from Gomorrah, California.