Leonard: Two women at the same time? Nice job, playa!
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Was it the two women thing or the "playa"? ... It was the playa.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Bernadette: I like the Wii.
Sheldon: Thanks, Grandma.

Sheldon: Oh look, a quarter!

Sheldon: Boy, do I have to urinate.
Leonard: If only there were a solution to that.