Raj: Any news on your co-worker who's in the hospital?
Bernadette: The poor thing. She was in surgery for eighteen hours. She's alive but she's still in critical condition.
Raj: Oh no.
Bernadette: The one bit of good news is they put her in a medically induced coma before she read the card. So you know, silver linings!
Howard: Were you like this when I married you?

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Bernadette: I like the Wii.
Sheldon: Thanks, Grandma.

Sheldon: Oh look, a quarter!

Penny: Next time I get a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
Sheldon: Here come the waterworks!
*Sheldon runs off to the bathroom*
Leonard: Aren't you going to ask?
Penny: What is this, my first day?